Frieza: Powerless Incompetence!
by Madam Captain
Summary: Chapter Twelve: The story comes to a close. Can the Universe be saved once again by the six billion different things that seem to be destroying it? How will Meowlor ever be destroyed!
1. It's a lesson, I say!

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama, rights to DBZ incoming at 6 'o clock!

_**.-----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence!-----.**_

Frieza cautiously walked up to the front door of Capsule Corp, he had been stripped of his powers so he was being as careful as possible, who knew what creatures lurked behind these doors? For all he knew it could of been an army of evil squid pirates, or some horrible sixteen headed EA employee. Frieza didn't know what EA was, he just liked making horrendously outdated jokes about gaming companies he never knew existed. Frieza was weird like that, that's why he lost against Trunks, the silly guy was making too many wise cracks about Square-Enix to see Trunks' sword slice him in half. But enough rambling, Freiza slowly tapped his knuckles on the door.

"This is stupid." Freiza sighed. "I was the most powerful being in the Universe, and here I am scared to knock on a door."

"Oh hello!" Trunks smiled as he opened the door. "Are you here to see my father?"

"Holy crap!" Freiza jumped six feet in the air. "He has come back to settle the score!.. Despite being.. really.. _small_? You! Why are you so small?"

"Uh.. because all children are?"

"I see, so this Trunks is just a child. Phew, no Super Saiyans are going to kill me today!"

"Oh, you wanna see me turn Super Saiyan!" Trunks clapped his hands as he suddenly transformed.

"Ahh!"

"Yeah, cool isn't it?" Trunks laughed. "Wanna see me do it again?"

"No!"

"Okay then." Trunks transformed once more. "Is something wrong, Mister?"

"Oh.. just.. my heart." Frieza clutched onto his chest and ran away.

"What did I do wrong?" Trunks asked as he saw the frightened alien run into the street screaming like an idiot.

"Trunks!" Bulma slapped the boy across the back of the head. "How many times have I told you not to turn Super Saiyan in front of guests!"

"Never, you never told me not to do such a thing."

"Oh right." Bulma slapped her forehead. "Well don't do it anymore!"

.-.

Meanwhile, at the Son house, Goten was busy running around the nearby mountains.

"Stupid Gohan, calling me clumsy!" Goten huffed as he stomped up the trail. "Oops! Sorry Mister Birdy, hope that wasn't all your eggs.. Oh sorry again, guess that was the rest of them, huh?... Aah! I'm so sorry about knocking over your priceless crystal statue of Majin Buu, a villain that hasn't actually appeared yet."

"Oh don't mention it." The bird replied while puffing away on his gentleman pipe.

"Wait, how did you get a priceless crystal statue up here?"

"I didn't. You fell off the mountain and crushed it, and me!" The bird sighed. "Clumsy child!"

"I'm not clumsy!" Goten yelled as he spun around and slammed right into a pole. "Ooooh! That does it, I'm going to get the Dragonballs and wish for myself to be not clumsy anymore! Aha! There's one."

"That's my skull..." The bird muttered. "And why was there a pole in the middle of a mountainous region?"

.-.

Zarbon paced around the Bloody Pond in frustration, ever since Frieza had been sent into the mortal realm he had been put in charge of Hell's entertainment productions. Janemba has been put in charge of the poetry department, but his work was so awful that Yemma had formed him to be sealed away into the evil containment machine. Speaking of the poetry, Nappa and Raditz were forced to seal it away forever.

"Seriously, though." Raditz stared down at the paper. "How bad could it be?"

"Well I heard that Brolly read the first sentence and went ever _more_ insane!" Nappa commented.

"That bad, huh?" Raditz smiled. "I'm going to go read it!"

"Fine, nice knowing you..."

"Oh please, it can't be that bad." Raditz scoffed. "He did transform half way through writing it, maybe this holds the key for me finally being able to turn Super Saiyan."

"Well it _would_shut up all those people who keep asking what your hair would be like."

"Indeed! So here goes nothing." Raditz said as he went to read the paper.

_----_

_Janemba! Janemba!_

_Janemba! Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!_

_Jan-em-BA! Janemba! Janembababa!_

_Janem--HEHEHEHEHEHEHAAAHEHEHE_

_HE HAAAAHAHAHA! HEEHHEHEE!  
KEKEKE!_

_----_

"Oh god! My brain is bleeding!" Raditz clutched his head in pain. "Gwooooo!"

"'Gwoooo!' isn't a word used to describe pain." Nappa pointed out.

"Jan?" Raditz blurted out before covering his mouth.

"What did you just say?" Nappa looked at the other Saiyan oddly. "Raditz, are you okay?"

"Janemba!" Raditz said. "Janemba! Janemba!"

"Oh crap!" Nappa looked down at the paper. "This thing must be an evil curse to turn people into Janemba!"

"Jan! Janemba!" Raditz nodded before screaming and running away for no obvious reason.

.-.

Zarbon was still pacing around the pond when an idea suddenly struck him. No, wait, it was a Ki Blast. "Turles! Don't make me come over there!"

"Oh blow it out your arse!" Turles glared at Zarbon before running off. He never did like Zarbon for some reason, I'm sure it'll be some massively tragic back-story that I'll force you all to read later on... except this isn't an J-RPG, so never mind.

"Aha!" Zarbon yelled as an idea popped into his brain, wait my bad again, it was an alien that popped into his brain. "_AHHHHH!"_

.-.

Vegeta pounded his fist against his bedroom door, despite his Super Saiyan powers he was unable to break it down. It had been three days since he found out that he couldn't leave his room, not the mention the fact that he had been having nightmares about Kakarot melting through the walls of his bedroom, it all sounded like some kind of horrible fanfiction to him. Vegeta was just about to give up for the day when a loud crash occurred in the area of his bathroom.

"What the hell?" Vegeta commented, for some reason that was only thing he had been able to say for the past few days. The Saiyan walked into the bathroom and noticed a gaping hole in the wall, deciding that his chances on the other side of the hole were a lot better than being stuck in his shitty room, he crawled in...

.-.

Zarbon was lying on the ground with an alien baby half way out his ear when an idea finally came to him. "I've got it! I'll make _a sitcom_!"

.-.

"Cell!" Nappa barged into the disgustingly coloured palace. "Raditz has been taken over by Janemba's horrible poetry!"

"Show us this poetry!" Cell demanded as Nappa handed him the paper. "You know, Nappa. This looks photocopied, did you make this so Raditz would find it?"

"Why would I do that?" Nappa asked. "And as for the photocopy thing, Brolly was the only one who.."

Cell cut Nappa's sentence short as he ran outside and looked at the opened door leading out of hell. "Oh damn it, Brolly. Not _again_!"


	2. Same ol', same ol'

Disclaimer: 3, 2, 1... Poof! Akira Toriyama forgot move _Recover_! Learnt new move _Rights to DBZ_!

_**.-----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence!-----.**_

Tenshinhan opened the front door of his house, it felt great to be free and no longer considered insane just because you did something like nearly cause the entire Universe to collapse in on itself. Well... that _did_ actually happen, but he wasn't to blame. So life was great! Except that the institution made sure that Tenshinhan's mental condition was being monitored... by a live studio audience!

"Time to go get the paper today."

_Hahahahaha!_

"Oh, shut up!" Tenshinhan screamed in no particular direction. "I'll get you one day! Oh yes I will!"

"Hello, Ten!" Yajirobe walked up the man.

"What is it now?"

"I have come up with a flawless 'get rich quick' scheme!" Yajirobe laughed.

_Uh-oh!_

"You see, by mixing an apricot with the core of the Earth, I can create an explosion so large that it will direct all the money in the world directly to me, it's perfect! So, what do you think?"

"Personally..." Tenshinhan sighed. "I would of come up with something more intelligent."

_Oooooooh!_

"You should really get rid of that audience..." Yajirobe suggested.

"If I knew where they were, I would have killed them by now."

_Hahahahaha!_

"Shut up!"

.-.

Vegeta crawled out of the hole and into a familiar room, the Saiyan laughed in triumph as he had escaped his room and into freedom! "Haha! Now I can finally... ARGH!"

"Oh, hello Vegeta!" Goku greeted the Saiyan. "Would you like to sit down and have lunch with us, buddy?"

"What horrible nightmare world have I woken up in?" Vegeta screamed as he quickly darted back into the hole.

"Father, what you are doing?" Gohan asked as he walked up beside him.

"Vegeta was here a few seconds ago, I think he might of gone insane."

"Fair enough, but I want to know one thing."

"What?"

"_How_ did that massive hole get in our wall?" Gohan pointed at said hole. "And how long has it been there?"

"I haven't the darnest idea." Goku shrugged. "Oh well."

"You know, mother is going to want that patched up..."

"Foolish Gohan." Goku flicked his hand into the air. "Women don't care about holes in their wall, they care about when lunch is going to be ready, I'm starving!"

"I think that's just you, dad."

"No, don't be silly!"

.-.

Frieza didn't know how long he had been running for, first there was the whole child Super Saiyan thing, then a rabbit tried to devour his foot for whatever reason. Rabbits were silly like that, so were angry businessmen who liked to chase tyrannical aliens down the street. But that hadn't actually happened yet, Frieza wasn't sure why he thought of it though. Anyway, he continued running until he ran into Piccolo, who was back from his crazy trip to Yardrat.

"Hey! Watch where you're going." Piccolo grunted as Frieza ran right into him.

"Oh shut u-- It's you!"

"Do you know me?" The Namek looked at him oddly.

"Yes, seeing as how I kind of ruined one of your lungs last time we met."

"... Turles?"

"Why would I be that disgusting monkey?"

"I dunno, spite?"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"I don't care, Slug."

"I'm not Slug, either." Frieza sighed "Try harder."

"Piccolo?"

"That's _you_, idiot!"

"Omega Shenron?"

"Who?"

"Cooler?"

"Closer, closer."

"Aha! I know your name now!"

"Finally!" Frieza muttered.

"Yes... _Rumplestiltskin_!"

"... I really fucking hate you!" Frieza screamed at Piccolo before stalking off down the street.

.-.

Nappa was running around trying to warn everyone of the possible copies of Janemba's poems, but for some reason they were nowhere to be seen! The bald Saiyan searched high and low, but no person could be found, until he checked the studio's that is. It was made out of the remains of children's dreams. The more you know!

"Everyone!" Nappa burst through the front doors. "I have something to tell y--"

"Quiet, please. We're in the middle of shooting a scene." Zarbon muttered. "Stupid Saiyans."

"You're recording a show at a time like this?"

"Not just any show!" Zarbon bragged. "We are filming _The World is a Robot: The Sitcom!_"

"Sorry, sorry." Nappa sighed as he walked out of the studio. "How silly of me!"

"Okay, ready Cooler?" Dodoria looked over to Cooler who was behind a bomb-proof shield.

"Haha! You bet I am. _The World is a Robot: The Sitcom_ scene 6, take 1... and action!" Cooler snapped the take marker via: a robot arm. The alien laughed in his triumph over evil until he violently exploded for no reason. "... ow... that does it... I quit."

"Good morning Dr... Gero, how are you today?" Jeice asked the scientist.

"Very good, do you like my clothes today?"

"Yes I love that Red Ribbon, _you_ _know_."

"Damn it Jeice!" Zarbon swore at the man. "You put the emphasis on the wrong words! Let's try again. Cooler!"

"He left, we got Guldo to take his place." Dodoria noted.

"Hahaha! Now it's my time to shine!" Guldo laughed in glee. "Scene 6, take 2, and.. Traction!"

_**Snap!**_

"Argh! It ripped my spine out!" Guldo screamed. "How can it do such a thing?"

"Good morning _Dr. Gero..._ how are you today?" Jeice asked in a frighteningly lustful tone.

"Bloody hell, I said emphasis on the words, not turn this into a pornography flick!"

"Is it my fault that I have no idea what to do?" Jeice snapped back.

"I gave you the script!"

"This thing?" Jeice flailed the book around. "Frieza never gave us one, what does it do?"

.-.

Yajirobe was busy preparing lunch in Tenshinhan's kitchen, no-one knew why Ten considered him to be his friend. Some people thought it was because they were separated at birth and were actually cyborgs, but those people were idiots. It didn't matter anyway, they are human characters, so we don't need to pay much attention to them at all!

"Dum dee dum, oh Tenshinhan will _have_ to help me with my scheme after I'm done making this lovely lunch!" Yajirobe whistled as he accidentally grabbed some rat poison and poured it into the mix.

_Uh-oh! Hahahaha!_

"What? What did I do?" The man looked around for a possible area where the audience could be hiding. "Oh I get it! Everything I do is funny simply because I am large, well I have feelings too you know! Whoops, I fell on the floor in a comedic manner!"

_Hahahaha! Whoooo!_

"That sounded like an audience! I must hurry on out of here!" A few seconds later Vegeta crawled out of the hole. "Hello, it's me! Vegeta!"

_c--cough..._

"Get a job!" Vegeta huffed as he crawled back into the hole. But instead of taking him back to his room and like respectable hole would, this one seemed to twist and turn for miles upon miles, until Vegeta wound up in a strange room.

"What is this place? And what's with all the Frieza's? You're mocking me aren't you! I knew it, time to die Frieza! _RANDOM KI BLASTS!_""

.-.

Goten was trying his best to reach up to grab the Dragonball, which was sitting at the very top of a cliff. It didn't help that Goten had five tires, four metal buckets and a semi-trailer caught on his legs. Don't ask how they got there, it isn't a pretty story. Well not that the story is very appealing in looks, text generally doesn't look good, unless I do _this_ or **this**! Isn't it wacky? Oh, right. The story.

"Hello, Goten!" The Dragonball started talking to the child.

"Uh... Hello, Mr. Dragonball?"

"I am not actually the Dragonball, I am a Plastic Bag. I have been wrongfully sealed in this Dragonball. Can you please help me out?"

"How do I do that?"

"If you can break the ball, I will be freed!"

"Wait, you aren't some kind of soulless beast that flies around and devours the hearts of the innocent just so you can destroy the cosmos, are you?"

"Yes."

"Awesome!" Goten laughed, he shook the objects on his leg off and quick went to grab a boulder. "Will this do?"

"Yes, that will do." The Dragonball commented. "Now set me free! Muahahahahaha!"

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, I just realized how cool it will be to make the Universe explode, killing everybody!"

"Aw, I thought you knew of a funny joke."

"Wait." Goten stopped for a moment. "Couldn't you do all the stuff you could do as a plastic bag as a Dragonball, plus have all the magical powers as well?"

"You know, I never thought about that."

"So, is that possible?" Goten asked.

"I'd answer, but you just fell off the mountain. Clumsy child!" The Dragonball chuckled before flying away. "Time to destroy the Universe... Again!"

"I'm not clumsy!"

.-.

Goku was busy waiting for his cooking to be done. Chi-Chi had left the house rather mad when she found out what it could cost to seal the massive hole in the wall, let alone get rid of all the evil spirits in the house. But Goku didn't mind he had the house to himself! Except for the painting of the flower on the wall, he was convinced it was actually crazy old Tao Pai Pai trying to kill him again. Goku sat around wondering when his sausages were going to be done. They were in the oven cooking and everything!

"Hey." One sausage turned to the other. "Did you hear the one about us?"

"Oh my god, a talking sausage!"

.-.

Lightning over-dramatically flashed across the sky as a figure stood outside the Son residence, the person looked down at a piece of paper they had in their hand. This would end Earth's champion once and for all, the figure though. Well, I'm sure it would of if the only thing it could say wasn't...

"KAKAROTTO!"


	3. He doesn't stop, does he?

Disclaimer: So I says to Akira Toriyama I says, "How goes the rights to DBZ?" Then he punched me. It hurt.

_**.----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence!-----.**_

Yajirobe had already set up Tenshinhan's lunch, he wanted to get him to help his crazy scheme so much. He also wants a pony... Yajirobe has many disturbing issues, you know. Well you probably didn't, do you even listen to Yajirobe when he speaks, huh? HUH? No, I didn't think so. What about his feelings? He just wants to be loved like everyone else too.

"This looks great!" Tenshinhan complimented as he sat down at the table. "But why is the plate surrounded by dead rats?"

"Who knows. Maybe it's the new _in_ thing?"

"You're saying that rats came to the table just so they could die in a horrible attempt to be cool?"

"... Yes."

"Fair enough, can't argue with that logic." Tenshinhan shrugged as he bit into the sandwich, I didn't mention it was a sandwich did I? No, didn't think so. That's why I failed fanfiction school, oh my terrible past has caught up to me! Woe!

"So, what do you think?"

"It has a certain taste..." Tenshinhan kept chewing on the sandwich until a blinding pain hit the back of his head. "Argh! What was that?"

Yajirobe looked around the room. "I think it was Yamcha."

"Why would Yamcha come all the way over here and hit me in the back of the head?"

"Because it's Yamcha."

"... Once again you raise a good point." Tenshinhan concluded and went back to the sandwich, until the rat poison kicked in and he fell to the ground screaming in pain. "It... _burns!_"

"I don't know why, I mean I gave some to the studio audience and I haven't heard anything from them."

"Please.." Tenshinhan grabbed Yajirobe's arm. "Take me to the hospital!"

"Why don't I just give you a senzu bean, I have some right here!"

"No.. hospital."

"But these will heal you, if they can make Yamcha a new stomach I'm sure they'll cure whatever is making you sick."

"Hospital..."

"No, I have senzu beans right here!"

"But Goku went to the hospital... after Vegeta fled and suddenly everything revolved around him... I want to hospital!"

"Power over everything, eh?" Yajirobe rubbed his chin. "Whoa, think of the money! I'll be right back!"

"Wait..." Tenshinhan called out, but Yajirobe had already ran out the door and left him. "_Great._"

.-.

Vegeta walked along a thin corridor, the walls were projecting movies of Frieza, one wall showed him fighting Super Saiyan Goku, while another showed him kicking Cooler in the crotch, which isn't a nice thing to do!

"What is this place?" Vegeta asked no-one in particular. "Why aren't the walls full of movies of me! I'm the prince of all Saiyans, you know! Fear my disturbingly large widow's peak!"

_This place shows the memories of Frieza._

"Why?"

_Plot-progression, yeesh. You're Vegeta, the walking plot device for God's sake and you didn't realize this?_

"Rather snippy for a disembodied voice, aren't we?"

_Quiet you! This place shows the entire life of Frieza, feel free to look around._

"No thanks, I'll just go back into the hole..."

_If you don't look around, I'll kick **you** in the hole!_

"Yes'm." Vegeta caved in and starting to slowly look around, the further he walked down to corridor, the further into Frieza's past he went. Vegeta stopped at a movie which shows Frieza as a child.

_"Oh Frieza! Look what you've to that planet!" King Cold tisked at the boy._

_"But the aliens on it wouldn't surrender their souls to me!"_

_"Now son... You know I love soul reaping as much as the next tyrant, but you can't just destroy a planet for no reason. You first have to send a squad from that planet to overtake another planet, this will cause a survivor of that particular planet to strike a member of the squad and give him or her the power to see into the future. Then when he tries to rebel against you... BOOM! There goes him and the entire planet."_

_"That seems complicated and unnecessary." Frieza pointed out._

_"Who is the evil galactic tyrant around here?"_

_"Him." Frieza pointed to a figure standing behind Cold._

_"Oh, hello!" Palpatine waved._

_"He doesn't count!"_

Vegeta looked at the movie oddly. "Wow, Frieza's father was really strict, I'm glad my father wasn't like that when he was constantly forcing me to fight just so I could become a Super Saiyan." Vegeta thought about what he just said and started to cry. "Why didn't you love me daddy? Just because I wanted to hang around the boys..."

.-.

Goku stared at the massive hole in the wall while munching on a hotdog. He wasn't entirely sure why Vegeta popped out of it, he just knew it looked cool and mysterious. Just as the Saiyan was about to leapt into the hole, the front door burst open and Brolly stepped in.

"KAKAROTTO!"

"Oh for Gods.." Goku slapped his forehead in frustration, then pointed at the door. "Brolly, go home! This is the four hundred and twenty third time you've tried to kill me, give up already."

"KAKAROTTO!"

"Look, just because I cried a lot as a kid is no reason for you to be so insane that all you can think about is my death. Okay, get a hobby."

"KAKAROTTO!"

"No, Brolly. Kakarotto is not a hobby, Kakarotto is a person... me. Do something else, uh... collect stamps or something, just go away!"

"K-Kakarotto?" Brolly looked at his nemesis oddly, not sure what to think.

"Here, go read this." Goku chucked a dictionary at Brolly, it slammed against the Saiyan's head and caused him to fall over and explode. "Oh, great. Now I have to seal this hole up _and_ clean the house of Brolly's innards... again!"

.-.

The Dragonball flew around the world doing nothing really. He just wanted to enjoy the last few moments the Universe ever had of... well, existing. Over the hills and through the stomach's of innocent children the Dragonball went, until a strange object appeared in front of him. "Hey! Get out of me way!"

The object said nothing.

"Don't make me destroy you with my powerful magic!"

The object continued to be silent.

"W-wait!" The Dragonball started floating backwards, but it too late. The object fired a massive ki blast at the Dragonball and caused it to explode. Yes, that's right folks. The Plastic Bag/Dragonball went the way of Mecha Frieza and only appeared there for the sake of introducing a new and more powerful character. Go go bad writing!

Oh and explosions, everyone likes explosions. Lord knows we don't watch Dragonball for it's _plot._

.-.

Vegeta faced a massive wall, seemingly in the middle of no-where. "What is this one, voice? Tell me now!"

_That is what Frieza is currently thinking._

"Is he going to use that for...?"

_Yes, he is going to use that to destroy the world!_

"But, I thought they got rid of that."

_Same._

"You know what?"

_What?_

"Despite the fact that we both know what _that_ is. I don't really feel like saying what it is for any people that might be listening to us and wondering what we're talking about."

_Same here, let's go eat food!_

.-.

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!" A massive legion of Hell's citizens chanted continuously. Cell and Dodoria were the only ones who hadn't been taken over by the horrible poem. "Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

"What do we do, your grace?" Dodoria asked.

"How should I bloody know?" Cell snapped back. "Wait... maybe we can get Janemba to free them of this curse!"

"But isn't he trapped in that tank machine?"

"We'll brake him out!"

"But what if he just creates _more_ horrible poetry? Ones that turn people into hideous dancing zombies, we all know zombies are _horrible_ dancers!"

"I'm well aware of that. But what else can we do?" Cell sighed.

"Escape from Hell?" Dodoria pointed towards the still opened door.

Cell suddenly started to shudder. "Oh no... not after last time!"

"Then what do we do?"

"I think I know a way..."

.-.

Goku had just finished cleaning up the rotting remains of the Legendary Super Saiyan. "Pfft! More like Legendary _Stupid_ Saiyan, ha! That's a classic, I've got to write that one down!" Goku chuckled to himself as he went to get some paper, he found a piece lying on the ground. "Meh, I'll just use this."

"Yo!" Krillin called out as he crawled out of the hole in the wall.

"Krillin? What are you doing here?"

"I found a hole in Master Roshi's bathroom, so I decided to crawl through and here I am. See? I brought a video camera with me, just in case there was something cool on the other side."

"Oooooh!" Goku stared at the camera. "Gimme! I need it for a second."

"Well... alright, but be careful."

"I will, I will." Goku muttered as he aimed the camera at the piece of paper for a few minutes. "There, done and done!"

"What's so great about that paper?" Krillin asked. "Is it a humorous drawing of Vegeta?"

"No, I gave that up months ago." Goku replied as he took the video from the camera and placed it into an envelope.

"So, what's on it?"

"No idea, that's why I'm sending it to the News People, they know this kind of stuff!" Goku smiled as he walked outside and tossed it into the air. "It should be on the national news tonight. Watch it!"

"Alright, I will." Krillin sighed as he crawled back into the hole. "This hole disappoints me! Seeya later."

"Bye." Goku waved as Krillin disappeared. "The news people know all!"

.-.

"So Bill?" Barry walked up to the man. "Got any good stories for tonight?"

"No, I'm afraid I've got nothing..." Bill sighed.

"Uh, there's something stuck in your skull."

"Well what do you know? It's an envelope!" Bill pulled it out and grabbed the video inside. "It looks interesting. I'm going to put it on tonight's show for no logical reason!"

"Uh, Bill. Maybe you should have that massive bleeding crater in your head looked at?"

"No, Barry." Bill chuckled. "I don't think I will!"


	4. Fitting in can be very hard

Wow. It's only been.. two.. three months since my last update? Terribly sorry about that, Final Fantasy XI can be very addictive. 

Disclaimer: _Akira Toriyama_.(Teamkills)._Rights to DBZ_

**.----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.**

"And we're back with Z-TV news for this wondrous Thursday evening!" Bill smiled to the camera. "Tonight we go live to Capsule Corp, where it seems that some horribly disturbing beast is lurking around the area."

"Thank you, Bill." Trevor the reporter said as he stood outside capsule corp. "I'm here to see if anyone knows about the mo--Holy crap! There is is!"

"It's _hideous_!" The cameraman screamed.

"Oh god! Oh god! It's coming this way!"

"Run!"

"My eyes! Why do they _bleed_!" Trevor screamed as he and the cameraman quickly fled the scene.

"Hey!" Vegeta called out. "I'm not _that_ bad."

.-.

"Okay." Frieza said to himself. "It has become obvious that I have no choice but to live with these horrid creatures... So I guess I'll have to try to fit in with their filthy rituals." Frieza took a deep breath and walked into the store. He didn't know why he took a deep breath, seeing as he didn't actually need to breathe, except on Namek. Frieza didn't why he starting breathing there, nor why he suddenly decided to think about it now. So he started to think about puppies. Frieza didn't like puppies.. mainly because he didn't know what they were, seeing as this was his first real visit to Earth. He also---

"Hi there!" A shop clerk walked up to the alien and hugged him. "Like, welcome to out store!"

"I was in the middle of some deep thinking, woman!" Frieza snapped back. "Oh wait, I'm meant to be fitting in."

"Are you like, okay, mister?"

"Yes, I am fine. Now I wish to purchase good from this store. What is it that you have in stock?"

"Clothes!"

"...Clothes? What the hell are they?"

"Like, are you from another, like, planet or something?"

"Yes. One **BILLIONS** of miles away! Don't make me call them over here to destr--- I mean, no. Of course not, I'm simply... from France!"

"Oh, I like Frenchman!"

"I'm sure you do. But I wish to purchase goods, for that is the normal Earth thing to do."

The clerk though about this for a few moments. "Hey yeah, it is!"

"Excellent.." Frieza muttered to himself. "Now I am fitting in.. Woman! What is this strange silk-like device?"

"It's a dress, sir."

"What does it do?"

"You wear it."

"Very well, I will take it!" Frieza posed triumphantly with his new dress.

"Like, sir. You need to pay for that?"

"P..ay? What is that?"

"You know, money. That dress costs 500 Zennie."

"Is there any way to obtain this device without exchanging currency for it?"

"Well.. I suppose if you were like, a thief of something.."

"Very well.. I am one of these '_thiefs_' that you speak of, so there is no need for me to pay for this thing. Good day!" Frieza smiled to himself as he walked out the door.

"Ahhh! Somebody call security!" The clerk screamed as hid under the desk for some unknown reason.

"Freeze!" The cop called out as he appeared on the scene.

"No. no. Friez_a_, but you nearly got it!"

"Trying to steal.. a dress? What kind of sicko are you?" The cop looked at Frieza in disgust.

"So purchasing dresses is not the Earthian standard?" Frieza asked before spinning around to the shop clerk. "YOU LIED TO ME!"

.-.

"And now it's time for the 'We're going to put a random viewer's video on the air for no particular reason' part of the news. This video comes from a man named.. So-So-Sou.. SUN! G-GA-Goo-Ke--kEwl.. Sun Gookewl!"

"Oh damn." Goku sighed as he looked at the television. "Looks like my video didn't make it."

"Anyway, let us watcht the video!"

.----.

_"See Krillin! I told you that there was writing on this paper!"_

_"I never said there wasn't..."_

_"Yes you did. You also said that you thought your bestest friend Goku was so smart that one time he stared at a bear.. and it exploded!"_

_"I never said that either.. and.. how does that proove that you're smart?"_

_"Poor Krillin.. you'll understand one day. Anyway! I'm done taping this piece of paper."_

_"Facinating. Really..."_

.----.

"That bastard!" Goku leaped out of his chair. "It is obvious that this.. _Sun Gookewl_ has stolen my tape and is trying to grab all the glory for himself, isn't that right Chi-Chi?"

"Janemba! Janemba!"

"Damn straight!" Goku nodded as he flew through the roof and onto his quest to find his imposter.

"JANEMBA!" Chi-Chi screamed at Goku. "Jan-Janemba!"

.-.

Vegeta walked around the halls of Capsule Corp punching any item he could find. Wall. Punch!.. Dining Table. Punch!.. Lightstand. Punch!... Trunks. Punch!... Random disembodied voice. Miss"Wait.. What?"

_It's me again, Vegeta!_

"What do you want? I just managed to escape from your hell-hole!"

_Yes but I need your help agai.. Good lord you're ugly!_

"Hey!"

_Oh right, sorry. Okay, you know that Frieza is going to destroy the world using that item we both know he has but won't actually say it's name for whatever reason?_

"Yes."

_Good. Then you'll also know that Brolly is back and standing right behind you._

"No. I can't say I didn't kno--.. WHAT?"

"KAKAROTTO!"

"It's the Legendary Super Saiyan!"

_Oh just chuck a badger at him and let's get on with our conversation._

"I.. can't. He's the Legendary Super Saiyan!"

_But you killed him before.. using a frickin' stapler!_

"But he's.. too strong!"

_Goku killed him.._

"Then I can do it as well!" Vegeta lept forward. "Eat badger you stupid.. stupid.. dumb!"

"KAKAROTTO!" Brolly screamed as his skin and bones melted away under the awesome power of a badger.

"I have done it!" Vegeta cried. "Now, you were saying?"

_You stupid stupid dumb?_

"Shut up! Not all of my phrases can be epic and used in message board sigs."

_Indeed._

"Now what were we talking about?"

_Your mother._

"Hi!"


	5. They really had it coming, you know

Disclaimer: AkiraToriyama: .(Rights to DBZ). (I have it!).(Do you need it?). 500g

**.----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.**

Vegeta walked about the cold, empty streets of the town. He really had no idea why the random disemodied voice orded him to come here, but he did anyway. Vegeta was weird like that, but not as weird as his twin brother Bejiita, who once tried to destroy the world using a fork! But his plan was soon thrwarted after he realised than under no circumstances can one actually obliterate a planet using silverware. This is when Bejiita truely went insane and decided to have a crazy love affair with his rival, Gokuu.

"Stupid voice!" Vegeta scoffed as he kicked a can down the road. "There's nothing here!"

"Hi!"

"Kakarot? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hi!" Goku's voice echoed through the streets of the town.

"God damn you! Show yourself!" Vegeta cursed as he flew around like an idiot for a while, trying ever so hard to find out where Goku was. "Where are you?"

"Hi!" Goku's voice crackled through the radio sitting to Vegeta. "Hi!"

"Huh? Radio? What's going on with that radio?" Vegeta said aloud for no reason as he picked it up, now there was nothing but static. "Hmph. Must be broken." Vegeta shoved the radio in his pocked and was about to walk off when a massive creature smacked into him from behind, making all sorts of disturbing noises.

"Ah! Giant Saibaman!" Vegeta squealed before figuring out that he could kill it with one Ki blast.

So he did!

"I am going to find that voice one day and fucking rip it's head off!" Vegeta yelled in anger before stomping off down the road.

.----.

_"Okay? Why do you want me to go to.. uh.." Vegeta stared at the wall with his arms crossed._

_Silent Hill?_

_"Yeah, that place!"_

_Because there is something there that will protect the planet against the threat of.. the item!_

_"You mean the one that destroyed the Dragonball and Frieza was thinking about?"_

_No! I obviously meant another goddamn item that I have never spoken of.._

_"Snippy, aren't we?"_

_It's been a rough day. Anyway, head to Silent Hill. But beware!_

_"Of what? The leopard?"_

_What? No! Of the horrible images the town will project to you. But you and only you can see them!_

_"And what if I don't go?"_

_Then the world will be destroyed._

_"Meh!"_

_That means no more soaps._

_"...Fine! I'll go to your stupid town."_

_Thank you._

_"Who are you talking to?" Bulma asked as she entered the hallway and encounted Vegeta staring and screaming at a wall._

_"Uh.. just the.. wa--Look out! Cell is back and he is right behind you, I'll save you!" Vegeta screamed as he picked up Bulma and tossed her out the window. "Done and done!"_

.----.

"Ah! Stay back!" Gohan screamed. "I'll use my Chou powers on you! They are a lot more cool and awesome and my father's pansy _Super Saiyan 3."_

"Janemba! Janemba!" The crowd of two hundred humans chanted as they advanced on the Saiyan.

"That does it. _Go Go Super Ultimate Happy Sunshine Zippo Attack!" _Gohan yelled as he put on a clown mask and hopped around on one foot.

"Jan? Janemba?"

"Gohan, what the_ hell _are you doing?" Yamcha asked as he flew down from the sky.

"Powering up my attack, why?"

"It just looked like you had a haemorrhage the size of Namek up your arse, is all."

"Are you making fun of my powering up pose?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well don't!"

"Too late, I already have."

"Ah! So you did." Gohan put away the clown mask. "What do we do with all these people?"

"**SACRIFICE THEM TO OUR GOD!**"Yamcha cackled evily.

"What?"

"Oh.. Sorry, uh.. I had a bad lunch."

"What does that have to do with your rambl--"

"I have no time for your insane questions! **AWAY WITH YAMCHA!**"The human posed dramatically before flying off into the nearest telegraph pole.

"I wonder if those people will let me join them..." Gohan sighed.

.-.

Vegeta was getting rather sick of Silent Hill by this stage. He had already been through a blood soaked school, in which deformed Cell Jrs attacked him his rusty knives. And he had gone through the hospital which featured Yajirobe in a short nuse outfit swinging wooden planks around like an idiot. If the severe concusions hadn't already happened by that point, it would have greatly disturbed him. But what he was encountering now was simply too much for his poor piggy mind to possibly cope with.

"Okay random voice!" Vegeta looked up at the ceiling. "I can live with gigantic Saibamen, I won't complain about the two-headed, poison fire spitting Dabura you send at me. Hell, I can even accept the phallic looking snake which had Zarbon for a face. But _this_ is simply too much!"

"Hi Vegeta!" Goku waved at the prince.

"I mean look at it! That is just disgusting! With it's beady little eyes... and it's spikey hair.."

"Silly Vegeta!" Goku chuckled. "You always said the darnest things. Now give me a hug!"

"Oh God, it's attacking!" Vegeta screamed before jumping to the other side of the room. "**FINAL FLASH!**"

"Hey Vegeta, look, I can even turn Super Saiyan 4!" Goku chuckled as he transformed instantly. "See? Want to see me turn Super Saiyan 5?"

"No! Stop it! That's enough!" Vegeta cried in horror as he flung himself through the door. "...I hate this place."

_Oh. Then you probably shouldn't turn around then._

"Why? What's behind me?" Vegeta yelled at the roof.

Vegeta quickly spun around to see a large figure with a triange head staring directly at him, in it's hand was a gigantic blood soaked sword.. It also had Bojack for a body. "Hi there!"

"Holy bloody cra---" Vegeta managed to blurt out before fainting, as sirens blared in the distance.

.-.

At Kame House, things were rather peaceful.. And by peaceful, I mean that the entire island was about to explode. Roshi was too busy sleeping at this point, so it was up to Krillin and his amazing balding powers to save the day from the villain who was threatening his and other people's lives.

"Oh God, it's you.." Krillin slapped his forehead in anger. "Why do you keep coming back?"

"KAKAROTTO!"

"Look, stop it already! I could just throw a grain of sand at you and I would win. Seriously, give it up already!"

"KAKAROTTO!"

"No, really! How are you planning to kill Goku this time?"

"Kak--Kakarotto?" Brolly looked confused as he held up a jar.

"You're planning to destroy Goku using _a pickle_?"

"KAKAROTTO!" Brolly screamed.

"Oh, my bad.._ two _pickles. Well doesn't that just make all the difference?"

"KAKAROTTO!" Brolly nodded.

"Well this has been fun and all, but I'm bored." Krillin sighed as he threw a fist full of sand as the Saiyan, causing him to violently explode, taking out the entire island. "Oh damn it!"

.-.

"So what purpose do you humans have for this.. gaol of yours?" Frieza asked he sat on a chair in the middle of a police station.

"We send criminals there, idiot!"

"Why don't you just use your eye-beams to destroy them?"

"Because humans generally don't have eye-beams."

"What a pathetic race.." Frieza mumbled. "So what does one do in such a place?"

"Mainly be abused by big guys."

"Oh. Well if I wish to fit in, I should probably see if I'm suitable." Frieza nodded as he lifted his dress. "Is that okay?"

"**MY _BRAIN!_**" The policeman screamed as he started furiously clawing away at his eye-sockets.

"Yes, you do in fact have a brain, and I must say it is quite hideous."

"That's it buddy!" Another policeman entered the room and dragged Frieza away. "You're doing serious time for this!"

"Serious_ what_?" Frieza asked. "Time? How can I do something that can not actually be percieved.. unless _Time_ is actually a person, which must mean I fit in perfectly for gaol. Hurray!"

.-.

A gigantic spaceship screamed through the upper atmosphere of the planet. Creating a gigantic fireball, which effectively destroyed the Borg cube that had shown up and decided to try and assimilate everyone on the planet. The craft slammed into the forests surrounded Capsule Corp, causing a massive earthquake. But since all the firemen were now blubbering idiots who could only say "Janemba!" no one was actually there to see the craft or the fire. Which is a shame, because it certainly looked spiffy! Anyway, a door hatch on the ship opened and a small robot rolled out and observed the enviroment around it. _Yes_.It thought. _This will do just nicely._

_Cut and slice and chop them up!_


	6. Janemba! Janemba!

Disclaimer: I got bored one day and punched Akira Toriyama square in the head. He countered with the Rights to DBZ and OHKO'd me..

_**.---Frieza: Powerless Imcompetence----.**_

Gohan ran as fast as his little Saiyan legs would allow. The army of Janemba zombies on his tail. No matter how hard he tried to escape them a new group would simply show up and seemingly trap him.. Of course he ran into Puar at one point who asked why he simply didn't just _fly_ over the zombies. Gohan responded to this with a bunch of inane babbling and bizare hand movements, he was weird like that. But after running from the zombies for such a long time, Gohan was getting incredibly tired and decided to rest in a nearby building.

"Stupid zombies!"

"Son, don't talk like that! You can do it!" A voice called out to him.

"Father? Where are you?"

"Sitting right next to you." Goku pointed out as Gohan quickly turned his head to face him. "Hi!"

"Father! Do you know what's causing all these zombies to appear?"

"ZOMBIES!" Goku screamed. "Stand back! I'll use my Kamehameha!"

"Would you stop saying that!"

"Sorry. Anyway, why do we have zombies?"

"I have no idea, I believe they keep chanting '_Janemba_' or something like that."

"Aha!"

"You know what's causing this?"

"Yes.. it's Frieza!"

"How'd you figure?"

"Because they're chanting his name, Gohan. Duh."

"Uh... They're saying _Janemba_, not _Frieza_."

"Silly Gohan, Frieza's dead!"

"But.." Gohan looked at his father in confusion and horror. "You just said.."

"Frieza's dead, Gohan!" Goku glared. "Trunks killed him.. I remember the sound effects... Bam!.. Zoom!.. Slice!.. Argh, my friggin' torso!"

"But you weren't even there when that happened!"

"Oh wasn't I?"

"No. You weren't."

"Oh. Well nevermind then." Goku smiled before walking off. Just before he reached the door he spun around. "By the way, you haven't seen a guy called Sun Gookew, have you?"

"No... Should I have?"

"I don't know, you tell me..." Goku muttered. "Maybe you are he are in on this evil plan!"

"What evil plan?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Gohan!"

"Yes.. that is why I asked."

.-.

Cell paced around in palace in Hell. Ever since Frieza had be banished things had gotten a lot worse down there.. Well, it's _Hell.. _so I guess that's kind of natural. But Cell didn't care. For one thing, he had Dodoria constantly asking him if Frieza was going to return and throw a sexy party. And secondly, with the exception of himself, Zarbon and Cooler, the entire population of Hell had been put under the spell of Janemba's horrible poetry. 'How?' you ask? Zarbon decided to scrap his idea for a sitcom and focus on writing lovely poetry. It started out alright, he would sing about the birds, the plants, the fuzzy little animals and how he wished they would all explode and die. But then he got bored one day and copied Janemba's poetry down and spoke it aloud to nearly everyone in Hell.

Needless to say, it did not go very well.

"What do we do?" Dodoria ran around the room in a panic. "Surely we will be overtaken by this evil spell as well!"

"Calm down!" Cell snapped at the alien. "Surely me and my awesome British accent will think of something!"

"Well you better.. it seems they now have a leader." Cooler stated as he looked out one of the windows.

"Give me a look." Cell ordered. Outside he could see the countless zombies splitting into two rows as a single figure walked down the middle. His light-gray shell reminded Cell of his own. Except this one had blood red skin and did nothing but cackle like an idiot as he continued advancing on the palace. ".._Janemba_!"

"Hahahahahekkekeekeeha!" The demon laughed for no decently explained reason.

"Who the hell is Janemba?" Cooler asked.

"He used to the greatest poet in all of Hell. Until one day he wrote a poem so horrible that his brain and vocal cords destroyed themselves so no one would ever have to hear it again. Ever since then the only thing he can do is say his own name and laugh!" Cell explained.

"So what does he want?"

"Hahahahakekekagaahaaa!" Janemba continues to laugh.

"I think he wants to try and take over hell.." Cooler suggested.

"What makes you say that?"

"He's pointing at our palace and laughing evily. I think that's a pretty good sign, you nit!"

"None of us stand a chance against him." Cell sighed. "We might actually have to.. leave Hell!"

"But it's such a nice place!" Dodoria cried. "I don't want to leave."

"Oh, don't worry." Cell patted him on the shoulder. "You won't be leaving, only me and Cooler will."

"Why?"

"Because you'll used as this distraction as me and Cooler run from the palace and escape Hell. By this point a thousand zombies will be eating away at your non-existant body."

"... I don't like that plan."

"You'll just have to accept it, Dodoria.." Cell muttered. "You'll just have to accept it."

"I'm happy with the plan.." Cooler said.

.-.

"I really don't want to be here anymore!" Vegeta yelled to the roof. "It's dark and smelly and has images of Kakarot everywhere."

"I know you're up there!"

"Hello!" A six-headed, pus spewing, headless Nappa doll cheered. "Nice to meet you."

"..Also because of that. Seriously, what the hell?"

"I have feelings too!" The Nappa doll cried as he ran off down the corridor.

"I didn't mean it like that, I still like yo--Oh for God's sake, I'm trying to comfort a bloody monster now." Vegeta kicked the wall in anger. "Where the hell is this item anyway?"

...

"There really isn't an item, is there?" Vegeta's eye twitched. "This is all some evil scheme to get a laugh, isn't it! **ISN'T IT!**"

_Shut up, Vegeta! You're giving me a headache._

"_You're_ getting a headache? What about me? Look at the crap I have to put up with!"

"Hi Vegeta!" Goku called out. "Nice to meet you again!"

"STOP STALKING ME!" Vegeta screamed before running off in a random direction.

"What a strange man.."

.-.

"Soooo.." Frieza twiddled his thumbs. "What do you guys do for fun?"

"SMASH!"

"That's _so_ facinating. Do go on!"

"SMASH!"

"Is that all you say? I thought we could partake in some friendly conversation. I'll get the ball rolling.. So how about that local sport team, eh? Aren't they just the bee's knees?"

"SMASH!"

"Bloody hell." Frieza sighed before ratting the cage to his cell. "This isn't what I thought this'd be like. I want out!"

"You should of thought of that before you stole the dress, freak."

"I was just trying to fit in with your disturbingly dull species." Frieza cried.

.-.

A small robot walked down the once busy streets of West City. In fact that would still be busy if the poem hadn't already turned everyone into zombies. But it did, so it wasn't. The robot would hum a little tune to himself, find the nearest lifeform, slice it apart, reap it of all it's organs and continue onwards, humming once more. This was indeed and very strange and very disturbing robot.

But not as strange or disturbing as the object that slammed into it's back at terminal velocity.

"Found you at last!" It yelled.


	7. Why does he hate him?

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama (n): The type of person who can draw a manga about big haired, large eyed people then claim the rights to them.

_**.----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.**_

"**ALLY TO GOOD! NIGHTMARE TO YOU!**" Goku screamed as he turned Super Saiyan and caused all sorts of amazing weather effects. He even made a few volcanos erupt.. Of course, they went on to destroy twenty villages, killing millions of innocent people.

"Dad!" Gohan yelled.

"What?"

"Why must you keep saying that?"

"Isn't that the answer to the question?"

"...All I asked was "Why are you still following me?""

"Oh.." Goku scratched his head in deep thought. After a few minutes he finally reached an answer. "**ALLY TO GO--**"

"Forget it!" Gohan sighed as he continued walking down the street.

"B-But my speach..." Goku sat down and started crying. "It's not fair!"

.-.

A group of figures stood on the edge of a broken and dirty road, the sky above taunting them by pouring endless amounts of water down. One of the figures stuck out his hand as a car advanced up the road. The driver didn't pay any attention to the people and simply drove by, slapping a puddle of water in their faces. They quickly wiped it off as the car drove off into the distance.

"Okay, who's stupid idea was this anyway?" Cell slammed his foot into the ground.

"Well we wouldn't have to be doing this if you reminded us that we would lose our powers if we left Hell." Cooler sighed.

"Look, I forgot I put it up after my last time out here!"

"How can you forget something like that?.."

"I AM _CELL! _DO NOT QUESTION ME!" The android screamed. "For I will eat your.. organs!"

"I don't have any organs." Cooler commented before taking a few staps back. "See? All metal."

"Oh yes.." Cell scratched his chin. "There is that."

"**I AM SUPER 13!**" Super Android 13 yelled out.

"Yes. Yes we already know that." Cooler patted the android on the shoulder before turning to Cell. "What's he doing here?"

Cell simply shrugged "Beats me, guess he just followed us..."

"He always does that! Remember that time we tried to sneak into Heaven to buy a danish and he followed us and destroyed half of the damn place!"

"Yes. What of it?"

"I never got my danish, Cell. I never got my danish!"

"And you hold that against him?"

"Yes." Cooler crossed his arms and nodded. "That and I think he's a big wanker."

"Good enough."

"**I AM SUPER 13!**"

"Oh will you shut up!"

.-.

"I hate this town!" Vegeta screamed. "I hate everything. I _HATE_ YOU!"

"That wasn't nice!" Pyramid Head sniffled before running off.

"Hey.. Big.. conical.. person. You dropped something!" Vegeta called out to the monster, but he was already gone.

_That's it!_

"What's what now?"

_That's the item we are after!_

"Well it's about bloody time!" Vegeta snorted. "Now what?"

_Now head back and use it against Frieza!_

"Then?"

_I'unno. Live happily ever after until Majin Buu shows up?_

"Who..?"

_Oh shit.. I've said too much.. uh.. GO AWAY NOW!"_

"Okay, okay. Fine!" Vegeta spun around and tried to make his way back out of town.

.-.

Sirens blazed off in the distance as Frieza continued to dig his way out of prison.

"That's it Frieza!" The alien spoke to himself. "You can free yourself from that dreadful place! Think of the children! Think of the butterflies and puppies! What good is life if you can't go and destroy them all? Nothing, that's what!"

"Uh, sir?"

"Do not bother me, monkey!" Frieza spat. "Wait? What are you doing underground?"

"Sir, you're about 50,000 feet above the ground..."

"How does that work?"

"Our staff saw you appear from the ground, then crawl towards the jet engines. We barely managed to get you aboard."

"Oh." Frieza looked around to indeed find out that he was on a jet, and not several hundred feet underground like he originally suspected. "Never mind then!"

"You may now take your seat.."

"Thanks." Frieza scratched his head in confusion as he sat down at the first seat he could find. "I think...Anyway!" He turned around to the person sitting next to him. "What do you want?"

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

.-.

_Cut and slice and chop them up!_ The robot droned on. _What do you want?_

"I found you at last!" The object spoke. "I had to kill a bloody Dragonball in order to find you. You have any idea how annoying that is?"

_No._

"It's very annoying.."

_I don't get it._

"It wasn't a joke!"

_Oh.. I'm going to cut and slice and chop you up now!_

"No, you wont."

_Why's that?_

"Because... **FINAL FLASH!**"

_Aieeeee! _The robot screamed before exploding dramatically in a way I could not even begin to try to describe.

"Hold it right there!" A police flashed a light on the area. ".. The hell is that?"

"What?" The object replied. "What's wrong with me?"

"Sorry.. It's just that a floating Muffin tends to surprise people."

"Oh. Yes." The muffin agreed.

"What's the problem here?" Krillin asked the officer is he and Yamcha landed on the scene. "Ever since the Saiyans vanished we have become _EARTH'S MIGHTEST MORE SPECIAL FORCES!_"

"Pansy!" Piccolo shouted out from the distance. "The Super Mighty Namekian Squad owns you!"

"Don't make me come over there!" Krillin yelled back.

"Uh guys.. why is there a gigantic floating muffin in front of us." Yamcha took a few steps back.

"What are you talking about Yamc--Holy crap! A muffin!"

"Do I really stand out _that _much?" The muffin sniffed. "All I wanted to do is destroy humanity."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Because Dr. Gero created me to be the most perfect android ever!"

.-.

"Ow!"

"What is it, Cell?" Cooler looked over to the creature.

"I just got the most painful urge to strangle something."

"Uh.." Cooler jumped back a few good feet. "Sure, go for it!"

.-.

"He figured that Cell might fail, so he created a back-up computer to make me. My goal is to first destroy ever powerful creature on a planet.. then the entire planet itself."

"Weird." Krillin shook his head.

"Yes. That said and done, I have to destroy you all now.."

"But you're a freaking _muffin_!" Yamcha yelled out.

"Yes.. but I'm a muffin who knows the **_SUPER KAMEHAMEHA!_**"

"Oh we're screwed.." Krillin sighed.

.-.

_"This is Billy Bo Bob Bubby Buck, in the Sky-4 News Helicopter!" Billy Bo Bob Bubby Buck called out. "It seems that the army of zombies are meeting up with another army of zombies in downtown West City!"_

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

_"Zombies are coming from all over the world to meet at this spot. It seems that they have appointed a red skinned, grey armoured fellow to lead their new army."_

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

_**"**Both he and the new army of six million zombies apparently appeared out of a door on 42nd street!" Billy Bo Bob Bubby Buck announced. "How the---"_

Cooler turned away from the electronics store television. "Cell.. did you leave that door open?"

"Me? I was the first one out, you idiot!" Cell snapped back. "You were the last!"

"But I remember closing it." Cooler scratched his head. "Any ideas #13?"

"**I AM SUPER 13!**"

"Oh for God's sake.."

'What could have happened?" Cell wondered.

"Hey! You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to find you guys!" Dodoria ran up to the group, puffing.

"..."

"What?"

_**.----.**_

And now, because Daniangel thinks that Brolly is strange in this story. Comes a special program I like to call...

_**.- Evening with Brolly: The British Gentleman-.**_

_Oh, hello! _

_I did not see you come in. As you know, I am Brolly. I am currently engaging in a thrilling game of croquet whilst drinking some simply smashing tea. Tonight I am going to tell you of a simply delightful story that once happened to me, many moons ago. Have you pulled up a seat? Yes! Bask in the heat of my fireplace._

_Anyway, shall we continue?_

_Okay, once upon a time in a little cottage, there was a boy name Kakarotto._

"Hi guys!"

_Yes. And along with him he had a lovely little friend named.. uh.. person who is not currently Kakarotto!_

"Hey!" Vegeta protested.

"Ha-ha!"

"Oh shut up!"

_These two were the very best of friends! They spent all day running through the flower fields, playing and frollocking.. Until one day, a mean old witch named.. oh.. Person who also is not Kakarotto. She was a mean and ugly witch who liked to feast off the souls of children!"_

"That's a lie!" Bulma shouted. "I am _not_ ugly!"

"Could've fooled me.."

"Oh that does it Vegeta. You're dead!"

"Eep!"

_So this witch decided to try and cook the children at her house which was made entirely out of candyrotto... I mean, candy! And she did and everyone lived happily ever after!_

"That's a terrible story!" Bulma yelled. "What sort of closure does it have?"

_KAKAROTTO DIES! THAT'S WHAT IS IMPORTANT!_

"What do you have against me?" Goku sniffed.

"There there!" Bulma hugged the Saiyan. "I'm sure he has nothing against you!"

"I do! I do!" Vegeta jumped up and down. "Let me tell you what I have against you!"

_KAKAROTTO!_

"I think we better run." Goku pointed out.

"Agreed!" Vegeta and Bulma responded.

_KAKAROTTO!_


	8. So much for that

Disclaimer: Buy the Rights to DBZ for $49.95 and get an Akira Toriyama free!

_**.---- Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.**_

"So you left the door to Hell open?" Cell asked as he sent a death glare towards Dodoria.

"Uhh.. Yup!"

"Letting all the Janemba copies free?"

"That's right."

"Do you have _any_ idea how screwed we are?"

"**I AM SUPER 13!**"

"Shut up." Cooler snapped "No-one was asking you."

"Sorry guys..." Dodoria sighed.

"Oh you will be." Cell cracked his knuckles and advanced on the alien. "I can destroy the entire Solar System, you know."

"We know.." Cooler sighed. "You've only told us thirty-six friggin' times already!"

"Do not doubt my power!" Cell screamed. "Prepare to feel my wrath! Hahaha!"

"That's not your wrath, Cell. That's you frantically waving your arm in my face while laughing like an idiot.."

"Oh. Right."

.-.

"Okay Frieza!" Vegeta laughed. "It is time for you to finally be killed by me! For I am the fist of pain and justice! I was going to beat you back on Namek.. but my painful death by your hands kind of ruined that... But not anymore! I am a Super Saiyan, damn it! Yes, this time I actually am one. I'm not lying anymore. I am the strongest Saiyan in the Universe! And mark my words, I am going to kill you this time!"

"**ALLY TO GOOD! NIGHTMARE TO YOU!**"

"And I--What the!" Vegeta stopped mid sentence and spun around to see Goku standing behind him. "Kakarot! What are _you_ doing here?"

"I heard your amazing speech, so I thought I'd come join in."

"Well.. don't. You already killed Frieza once, now it's my turn!"

"Twice, actually."

"What! Twice!"

"Yeah. Frieza came back this one time and invaded Yardrat. I went over there and killed him and his massive army of Ninja Kites. Oh the flapping in the wind.. It was horrible!"

"... Why wasn't I informed!"

"Didn't want to hurt your feelings, silly!" Goku smiled. "You're my best friend!"

"..Ugh. Anyway, I will be the second person to kill Frieza."

"Trunks.."

"Okay, third."

"Don't forget Gohan."

"_Gohan _has defeated Frieza?"

"Yup. One punch."

"Anyone else that I should know of?"

"Hmmm.. Nope!"

"Okay, great..."

"Oh, Yamcha has as well."

"Yamcha!"

"Yup!"

"Excuse me, I'm going to go throw up." Vegeta clutched his stomach and limped off.

"Okay, seeya Veg'!"

.-.

"Soooo.." Yamcha twiddled his thumbs. "I've defeated Frieza, you know."

"We all have." Tenshinhan sighed. "Now shut up. We're trying to contemplate how we died.."

"We died when the muffin unleashed it's Super Kamehameha. Remember?" Krillin replied.

"Oh yes. The screaming pain..." Tenshinhan sighed. "Stupid bloody muffin."

" I haven't defeated Frieza!" Mr. Popo called out.

"Of course _you_ haven't. You're all short.. and.. small-like!" Yamcha laughed. ".. By the way. Why are you dead?"

"Well..." Mr. Popo sighed.

.-.

"Hahaha!" Mr. Popo laughed. "Now-the-world-is-mine!"

"Oh-no-you-don't!" Dende yelled as kicked the main door to the lookout down. "The-world-is-mine-Hahaha!"

"Hahaha! My-Kung-Fu-is-better-than-your-Kung-Fu!"

"No-it-isn't. Hahaha!"

"Ohhhhhhh!" Mr. Popo gasped. "Hahaha!-I-will-win-this-super-battle!"

"We-shall-see-Hahaha!"

"Why-are-we-laughing-so-much?"

"I-do-not-know-Hahaha!"

Dende and Mr. Popo continued laughing until they stopped and paused for no real reason. Then the fight begun! Oh what a fight it was. They were jumping all over the walls and flipping around the place while some random Japanese song went on about the flowers and how they would explode with fury and anger. For that's what flowers actually do instead of blooming and standing there doing nothing of any real importance. Anyway, after a lot of flipping, running and over-dramatic pan shots. The two returned to their original places.

"It-seems-your-Kung-Fu-is-best!" Mr. Popo laughed. "Hahaha!"

"Yes-it-is. Die-now!"

"Oh-no-I-am-dead!" Mr. Popo gasped "Blargh!"

"Hahaha! I-am-the-ultimate-victor! Time-for-naked-dancing-super-fun-time!"

And he so did.

.-.

"Did that really happen, Popo?" Krillin raised an eyebrow.

"Well.. no. I actually just stood on a scoop of ice-cream and slid off the edge of the lookout."

"Well..t-that's just stupid."

"Yes, why else would I make up such a story?"

"Good point."

.-.

_Gohaaaan. Gohan!_

"What?" Gohan spun around as he walked up to the edge of Capsule Corp. "Who said that?"

_Gohaaaan!_

"Yes. I can hear you. What is it?"

_Oh. Right. We are the Random Disembodied Voices. Remember us?_

"Sure. You helped as save the world from Cell and the Plastic Bag."

_Yes. We did well. Anyway.. Frieza hold the most powerful weapon in the Universe. Only you can stop him!_

"What kind of weapon?"

_Uh.. we don't really know.. But it's bad! So very baaaaad!_

"Uh.. Okay. So what can I do to stop him?"

_We need you to turn Super Saiyan 3!_

"But that's a pansy form! **PANSY!**"

_Then why do you use it?_

"I don't. My father does."

_Oh, okay then. We'll talk to him. See you!_

"It's a pansy form, I tell you!"

.-.

"Here it is gentlemen!" Cell shouted as he flung a white sheet into the air. "My weapon for killing those evil Janemba freaks!"

"Where is it?" Cooler looked around.

"Here!" Cell pointed. "In my glorious hand!"

"What? The white sheet?"

"Yes. What else could I have possibly meant?"

"I thought you had something under the sheet..."

"Well, I do have a Hyper-Mega-Death-Ray around here somewhere." Cell shrugged. "But _this_ is much more powerful!"

"It's a bloody bed sheet, you arse!" Cooler cursed.

"Yup. Impressive, no?"

"No."

"Hey. This is _my_ evil space station. If you don't like it, get off!"

"Gladly." Cooler sighed and walked off.

"Y-You like it.. don't you Super 13?" Cell asked.

"**I AM SUPER 13!**"

"Thanks..." Cell muttered. "Now to use this weapon on Earth! I will destroy both the Janemba thingos _and_ finally get revenge on Son Gohan! Hahahaha!"

.-.

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

"Looks like this is the end!" One human called out.

"Never fear! I am a Super Saiyan!" Another called out.

"You are?"

"Well... kinda."

"..."

"I have blonde hair!"

"You're an idiot."

"Now that's just mean!"

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

"Never fear!" Piccolo called out. "For I am here to save you all!"

"It's.. a green monster!" The humans screamed. "He's come to eat us all!"

"Nononono! I am here to save you all."

"Save us all.. _by eating us_!" One person called out, causing the rest to panic and run away.

"Well that didn't work." Piccolo sighed.

"Janemba! Janemba! Janemba!"

"Oh shut up!" Piccolo huffed and went into deep thought. "There has to be some way I can find out what's causing all of this nons---Argh!" Piccolo was cut off mid-sentence by a flying muffin striking him in the back of the head.

"Watch where you're going!" The Muffin snapped.

"Holy crap! A talking Muffin!"

"Holy crap! A **SUPER KAMEHAMEHA!**"

"Holy crap! I am so dead.." Piccolo yelled then cried.. then died.

.-.

"So anyway!" Goku continued talking to Vegeta as he walked out of the toilet. "I went up to Mable, right. And she said.."

"Shut up, Kakarot!"

"No she didn't say that, silly!" Goku chuckled. "Actually.. I forgot what she said. Oh well."

"Oh God.." Vegeta sighed before he noticed that the town around them had shifted into a realm of darkness. "Well that doesn't happen every day."

"Does for me!" Goku chirped. "Just before I go to sleep."

"..You're a moron."

_Ahem.. excuse us!_

"Oh Hell, it's them!" Vegeta screamed and tried to run away.

_Vegeta, where could you possibly run to?_

"Uh.. oh yeah. Never mind then." He grumbled and walked back to where Goku was.

"Hi voices!"

_Yes. Hello Goku. We have called you here so you can help us._

"With what?"

_Vegeta has an item that can defeat Frieza and his incredibly powerful item._

"Oooh."

_Yes. Anyway, we need you to turn Super Saiyan 3 and power up the item for us._

"Why?"

_Because that's how it works. It takes power from other life-forms so it can be used._

"Oh. Does it hurt?"

_Very much so. In fact, you might pass out because of it._

"Oh.."

"Haha! Kakarot has to experience pain!" Vegeta laughed. "I could enjoy this."

_Vegeta, on the other hand. Will have to have his tounge cut off for the duration of the battle._

"Oh son of a..."

.-.

"Excuse me, sir." A lady walked up to Frieza as he got off his plane. "Do you think you could help us get some money?"

"You want me.. Frieza! Lord of all Time!.. to help you get some money?"

"Yes, we are terribly poor and cannot buy gifts for Christmas."

"Pimp Santa will be most displeased." A child followed up.

"Oh fine!" Frieza caved in. "If it'll get you off my back about it." He reached into a pocket of skin on his waste and pulled out a wallet shaped item.

"Hurray!" The children laughed. "We can his christma---"

Now. The children would have normally finished that sentence. But when Frieza opened the wallet shaped item, it let out a massive explosion that wiped out nearly half of the continent. And children normally can't finish what they started saying when they're missing their entire body and everything several square miles around it.

"Well." Frieza coughed. "Certainly wasn't expecting_ that_."


	9. I didn't know he had a brother!

Well holy crap! I'm actually updating for the first time in like.. half a year!

Yeah, sorry about that. But a mixture of Final Fantasy XI and just pure laziness made it impossible for me to write a chapter.. that and SPACE MONSTERS!

It's always those goddamn space monsters!

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama stole DBZ, travelled back in time in order to own the rights to it, then sued me for $1.5 million!

_**.---- Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.**_

_The powering up of the item is complete!_

"Well that wasn't too painful!" Goku cheered as he powered down to base. "What do you think Vegeta?"

"Canth iv hath mi toungth bacth!"

"What? I don't understand you!.. Oh no! Vegeta's got the plague, I'll save you Vegeta!.. by using a point-blank Kamehameha blast!"

"kakathroth youu idioth!"

_Oh, I think he wants his tounge back.._

"Don't be silly!" Goku chuckled as he changed up the Kamehameha. "I know Vegeta has the plague!"

_How?_

"Using my brain!"

_You don't have one, remember?_

"Wha-?"

_You lost in the battle against Cell._

"Oh yeah..."

.-.

"I know if I use a Kamehameha blast and have it deflect off the moon at and angle of 86 degrees, then I will most surely win this battle Cell!" Goku laughed as he punched numbers into his calculator.

"Yes, I'm sure.. Hey, Goku! LOOK OVER THERE!" Cell screamed and pointed to the east.

"Well I don't see why not..." Goku shrugged and turned away as Cell snuck up and drilled a hole into his skull.

"Father, watch out!" Gohan cried.

"Now Gohan, I'm in the middle of something serious here."

"All done!" Cell smiled as he threw Goku's brain into a nearby ravine.

"Durrrrrr..."

.-.

"Hehe, yeah.. Good times!" Goku chuckled for a few moments before falling over.

_Anyway, there's your tounge Vegeta._

"Well it's about bloody time!" Vegeta roared in no particular direction. "Why did you have to remove my tounge for anyway?"

_No reason, we just thought it'd be funny._

"Gah!"

.-.

"Hmm, I wonder what this device is for.." Frieza pondered as he flew over what remained of the airport that just blew up."Perhaps it is what I need in order to finally rule the Universe!"

"You can't rule the Universe if you blow the damn thing up!" Some random person called out from below.

"Silence!" Frieza spat. "Now, I need to fin--uh.. Is that a giant muffin flying towards me?"

.-.

"Cell!" Gohan called out as he blasted a massive hole through the wall of the space station.

"No, this is a room. The cells are down the hall to your right." Cooler pointed out.

"Oh, thanks!" Gohan waved and walked away.

"Well that was an odd event." Cooler mumbled as he walked into a bar. Haha!.. wait, he actually did, no joke there.. Oh well, maybe next time.

Gohan walked down the hall, making sure not to blow up the wrong wall this time. "Cell!"

"Gohan!.. Oooh, you crafty devil! Knowing that I would be in an area like my own name!"

"Uh.. yeah. Let's go with that."

"So what do you want!" Cell asked as he pointed at Gohan for no logical purpose.

"I got your letter!"

"Oh.. yes, that letter!" Cell chuckled. "Ah, what a classic!"

"That letter was just rude and uncalled for. So I am here to destroy you!"

"Wait.. what did the letter say again?"

"You left it at Capsule Corp saying that my head was like a hippo and that my ankles stunk like a hundred beavers!"

"That's not a very good insult, you know.." Dodoria pointed out.

"Shut up!" Cell yelled. "Anyway, I guess we'll have to settle this in a super-exciting battle to save the Earth?"

"Yes, yes we will."

"Or so you think! But I have a secret weapon!"

"Is that so?"

"Yes.. behold the awesome power of.. THIS WHITE SHEET!"

"Argh! It floated across the room and bit my hand off at light speed!" Gohan cried as he clutched onto his arm.

"You are no match for it! Now sheet, finish the job!"

"Nooo!" Gohan yelled as he violently crashed through all the walls and was flung out into space. "Curse you!"

"Haha! Good job sheet!" Cell cheered.

"Yes, very nice." Dodoria nodded. "But did you really have to take Gohan out with a piece of fecal matter?"

"Ugh!.." Cell slapped his face. "Sh_ee_t, not sh--"

.-.

"So Dr. Gero created you to destroy humanity?" Frieza asked.

"Yes."

"But didn't he create _several _androids to do that very task?"

"Yes."

"So why bother creating you?"

"He liked muffins."

"I see.."

"No, not really, I made that up. I haven't always been a muffin."

"Surprising."

"Isn't it!"

"So why haven't you destroyed humanity yet?"

"Have you seen those "Janemba! Janemba!" bastards? They are killing them all."

"Janemba! Janemba!"

"Hey! Don't make me come down there!" The muffin shuddered violently.

"So what did you need me for?" Frieza asked.

"I need the wallet you are carrying!"

"What for?"

"It is the ancient wallet of Wakadabonkshoop."

"That's the stupidest name I've ever heard." Frieza groaned.

"Not as bad as your real name Frieza.. or should I say--"

"No! Don't say it, you'll destroy the Universe!"

"That's what I'm trying to do."

"Oh yeah.. But you still shouldn't do it."

"Oh very well. But anyway, the wallet holds the key to the weapon that can turn me back to the way I used to be.. Before I became a delicious freak of sugary nature!"

"Nature is sugary?"

"Why not?"

"Why not indeed!"

.-.

"Those demons are more annoying than I can possibly handle!" A man shouted as he raced down the streets of West City.

"Tell me about it!" Another person responded.

"I just did."

"Oh yeah. Hey, there is a tall blue guy up ahead, maybe he can help us out!"

"Splendid idea." The man cheered as they both approached the creature. "Excuse me, but who are you?"

"**I AM SUPER 13!**"

"Well that was the answer to our question."

"Indeed, this gentleman certainly knows how to give a quick and to-the-point response."

"Thank you, kind sir!" The man tipped his tophat and continued running.

"**I AM SUPER 13?**"

"There you are!" Dodoria shouted as he landed nearby. "Cell has been looking all over for you! Quick, we need you to say the password for the White Sheet Universal Destruction device."

"**I AM SUPER 13!**"

"Yes, that's the one." Dodoria nodded.

"Brilliant!" The man shouted in the distance.

"He's done it again!"

"Bravo!"

.-.

"Man, look at all that insanity happening down on Earth." Popo shuddered as he and the rest of the group stared down at the planet "I should be the one causing it all!"

"Hey, I know!" Krillin stood up. "We should use that device that wipes out all evil in the Universe."

"Of course!" Tenshinhan cheered. "Why didn't we think of it sooner. I mean we all know it exists!"

"And always has!" Yamcha added.

"But we aren't even up to Majin Buu yet." Popo pointed out.

"Majin who?" Krillin scratched his head.

"No, Buu."

"Ahh!"

"Enough of your evil mind tricks!" Tenshinhan laughed. "To the factory!"

.-.

"_That's_ the item?" Vegeta said in disgust. "How is that meant to save the world!"

_Oh it's quite simple, really.._

"It's a freakin' CD!"

_Yes, you see.. we sneak up on Frieza, and upload a deadly virus into him, which will shut down all the other villians on Earth, allowing as to.._

"Frieza isn't a computer, you know."

_Sure he is! Just ask Goky! Oh wait..._

"Goky?"

_Goku's good brother. He saved the day back on Namek when Goku was fighting Frieza.._

.-.

"Haha!" Frieza laughed. "Watch as I go to push you into this lava which will obviously kill you and you won't be able to come back because they're wishing on the Earth Dragonballs.. which I shouldn't know about.. oh well!"

"Oh no!" Goku yelled out. "I am about to be smote!"

"Gokuuuu!" A voice cried out as it appeared on the scene.

"Goky! What are you doing here?"

"I am here to save you, brother!" Goky replied as he pushed his brother out of the way and into a body of water nearby.

"Gah! My one chance to kill that pesky Saiyan!" Frieza cried in anger. "Oh well, guess I'll shove _you_ into the lava!"

So he did.

"Argh! The lava, it burns me! As no-one would ever be able to survive in it!"

"Hahaha!"

"Time to avenge Goky!" Goku called out as he appeared out of the water a few moments later.

.-.

_He was a true hero! Unlike that pesky Future Trunks!"_

.-.

"All I can be is myself.." Trunks sniffed.

.-.

"Kakarot! Why didn't you tell me you had another brother?"

"I'unno. You never told me you had a sister!"

"I do not!"

"Sure you do, I've read about it."

"Lies and slander!" Vegeta roared. "Well what about those two teenage women you found the other day that come from another version of Earth!"

"Hey! At least they aren't as bad as that totally original character that appeared on the lookout one day and fell in love with you!"

"Her name is Mary!"

"Mary?" Goku laughed as he started to go cross-eyed and make wierd arm movements. "More like "_DUHHHHHHHH!'"_

_  
_"That's a stupid insult!"

"Like your_ face_!"

.-.

"I.. am still alive?" Gohan said aloud as he slowly opened his eyes. "Where am I?"

"Don't move. You've had a long trip." A voice called out.

"Just tell me where I am."

"You're still in space."

"Oh, so how am I still alive?"

"You won't be for very long."

"That's not very comforting."

"Well I guess I shouldn't tell you who I am then."

"Who are you?"

"The White Sheet."

"FIEND!" Gohan opened his eyes and went to punch the sheet.

"I'm behind you."

"Oh, right."

"Moron."

"So how I am alive now?" Gohan asked. "I should be dead by now..."

"The Super Saiyan 3.. it grows inside you."

"But that's a pansy transformation." Gohan growled as he looked down at Earth. "FOR PANSIES!"

"But it's what is keeping you alive right now. For it is the most awesome and best form ever!"

"You speak lies!" Gohan pointed and screamed.

"No, I tell the truth. Allow me to explain to you the story of the first Super Saiyan 3 ever.."


	10. Super Saiyan 3

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama casts Rights to DBZ on the Goblin Gambler. The Goblin Gambler takes 10456 points of damage!

_**.-----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence!-----.**_

_On the far off planet of Vegeta, way back before any of that Tuffle business ruined it. There existed a town near the ocean! In this town lived Washubee._

_"But I don't own a bee. Nor would I ever want to wash it if I actually did have one.."_

Shut up, Gohan. Anyway! Washubee was laughed at for having a really, really stupid hairstyle. So you know what he did? He went into a homicidal rage and killed the entire town, then bathed in their blood.

_"That's terrible!"_

_Well he was a Saiyan. King Vegeta the minus twentieth found out about this horrible deed!_

"You fiend!" King Vegeta called out. "I was going to eat those Saiyans!"

"But they tasted so good!"

"I know, that's why I wanted them!" Vegeta roared. "As punishment for this, you will be sent off to the most annoying planet in the entire Universe!"

"No!" Washubee called out. "Surely not.."

"Yes.. Earth!"

"E-ARF?"

"Don't do that joke. It's stupid.. Now off you go!"

"Nooooo!"

_You see, Washubee had been picked on his entire life for having a vomit-inducing hairstyle and only have a powerlevel of negative six. Usually this would of caused the person to be well.. dead. But he was special! He was so incredibly stupid that the Universe and all normal logic warped around him, found out how dull he was, and just gave up and went elsewhere to bug people about how they're always right. So after kicking some babies, which was traditional at the time, Washubee was fired out of a cannon and shot off towards Earth. But meanwhile on Earth, there was a man.. his name was.. uh.. Barry._

"Actually my name is Se--"

_So Barry was out wrestling dinosaurs as he so often did._

"No I don't.."

_So **BARRY** was out **WRESTLING FRICKIN' DINOSAURS!**.._ _when his best friend in the entire world showed up._

"Hello Barry!" Jim called out. "My, doesn't it hurt when that dinosaur eats your leg?"

"Why yes, yes it does."

_As the Velociraptor devoured Barry's leg, the Saiyan screamed through the atmosphere and landed square on Jim's head. Because Jim was really a Nazi, you know..._

"Jim!" Barry called out. "Oh poo!.. now who is going to lead me to Poland?"

"Ragh!" The Velociraptor called out.

_The Saiyan quickly stood up, brushed off the remains of Jim, and looked around at Barry._

"You! Why have you no tail!"

"Because humans don't have tails."

"What is a 'human'?"

"I am."

"I don't like you.." Washubee muttered and blasted Barry into oblivion. "Hahaha!"

"I am dead!" Barry called out.

_Washubee decided that Earth was rather annoying, so he went into the nearby town to blow it up._

"Mommy, what's that thing in the sky?" A child asked.

"It looks like a person flying towards us!"

"CHILD!" Washubee called out as he raced towards the ground, picked up the child and punted her across the hills in one swift movement.

"Hey!" The mother called out. "I wanted to do that!"

"What? Are you this planets version of Prince Vegeta?"

"Vegeta?"

"So you admit it!" The Saiyan cried out. "Prepare to die!"

_So he destroyed the woman and the entire town. But this was only the beginning of Washubees crazy adventures. He would go on to fight the evil carrot monsters, Brolly - who managed to go back in time to try and destroy Goku's ancestors but ended up being killed by looking into the Sun and exploding, more Nazis, the Borg, Khan, Christmas and so on. But the most powerful villian was approaching Earth.. an evil so evil that the only way someone could possibly describe it's evil was by evily saying "Daaamn, that's some evil mojo going on out there!"_

"Daaamn, that's so--ARGH MY LUNGS!"

"Eh." Washubee shrugged as he tossed the remains of the man over another set of hills. "I wonder what there is to eat around here.."

"meow?"

"Kitty!" The Saiyan yelled out in pain as the kitten approached. "Stay away! Stay awaaay!"

_Yes, they say that Saiyans have no real weakness except for their arrogance. But obviously the people who say that have never seen a Saiyan try and get near a kitten. The cuteness of these creatures causes the Saiyans brain to swell up and explode if they stay around for too long.. but there is one way around this weakness. NUKLEAR DETONATION!_

"Mwahahaha!" Washubee laughed as a giant mushroom cloud appeared in front of him. "Bad kitty go boom!"

_But it was at this time the evil evilness appear on Earth. It didn't take long for it to track down Washubee._

"Hello there, Saiyan." A voice called out.

"Who's there!"

"It is I, Meowlor! A creature made entirely... out... of... Kittens!"

"You lie!" Washubee called out as he turned around and faced the direction where the voice was coming. Sadly though, he couldn't see anything, as a seven thousand meter tall man made entirely out of kittens blocked his road. "Oh snap!"

"Prepare to die Saiyan!"

"Why do you want to kill me for!"

"I was designed by Vegeta to kill you!" Meowlor explained. "He used a race called the Tuffles to constuct me.. of course, the Tuffles became so annoyed with creating me that they decided to get back at the Saiyans and programmed me to kill all of them!"

"FIEND!"

"No. Kitten."

"Right."

"Shall we do battle, Saiyan?"

"No thanks. I don't like dying."

"Too bad."

"Awww." Washubee sighed. Not as in he found Meowlor adorable, though he certainly was, "Awww" as in he was expressing sadness in that he would have to die. You see, people don't like dying...

_And so the epic battle begun. With Washubee running away screaming like a girl, and Meowlor following him laughing like an idiot. After a chase that took them all around the world, Meowlor finally caught up with Washubee and punched him so hard that he actually exploded then imploded then exploded once more, bringing him back to a normal state. Needless to say, that hurt him._

"Ow!" Meowlor cried out.

_NOT YOU, MORON!_

"Sorry.."

"Ow!" Washubee cried out in pain. "That hurt!.. I just thought I'd say that for some reason."

"Oh."

_The Saiyan knew that he was greatly outmatched and took off as fast as he could until he ended up in a cave on the other side of the planet!_

"Man! What an exciting chase, I sure hope that if anyone was going to retell the events that are happening today that they make sure to describe how awesome it surely way. I mean, the way those whales and dinosaurs actually battled the kittens and their army of ninjas that fell out of a vortex in time.. wacky!"

"Are you the one who is fleeing from the kittens?" A croaky voice spoke out.

"Oh no! Now an old man is going to finish me off!"

"I'm not going to kill you. Instead, I am going to show you how to destroy the kitten menace!"

"Please, do tell."

"I am going to! Now the secret is to use this very item I am holding."

"I can't see you.." Washubee pointed out. "You're hiding in the shadows, acting all mysterious."

"Oh, right, sorry. I haven't had visitors in a while."

"Surprising."

"So, use this item of mine to unlock your power and destroy the kittens!"

"But I hear people like kittens. What if I harness their power to rule the Universe?"

"But what good is ruling the Universe if your brain has exploded from being near the kittens?"

"You are indeed wise beyond your years!" Washubee bowed in respect. "And now I shall use thi---... uh?"

"What is wrong?"

"Is this a wallet?"

"Yes. Use it to transform yourself into your true form!"

"Will my hair look any better?"

"Probably not. It's really stupid looking."

"I know.." The Saiyan sighed. "Oh well, I am off to defeat the kittens!"

"Good luck, brave but incredibly moronic soul!"

_And so Washubee flew out of the cave and went to track down Meowlor, who was currently playing with a bowl of yarn, acting all cute like. People from miles around came to see a gigantic man made out kittens roll around yarn. Sadly, due to Meowlor being to freakishly large, whenever he moved, he killed millions of people. But they didn't care, they figured if they were going to die, then it might as well be from an intergalactic seven thousand meter tall kitten demon. Well, why not? Anyway, Meowlor sensed Washubee approaching and started to clean himself for the fight._

"Ewwww!" The people below screamed in digust. "But Awwwww!"

_Then they were crushed. HAHA!_

"Ow!"

"Kitten demon from beyond the stars, I am here to destroy your soul!"

"I have more than one soul.. since, you know.. being made out of trillions of cats."

"Don't get smart with me!" Washubee called out. "I have the weapon that will destroy you!"

"Oh no! Not The Wallet!"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh shut up!"

"Sorry." Meowlor sniffed.

"Now to achieve my true form!" Washubee called out at he ate the wallet.

_Now this was when all sorts of creepy stuff started to go down. As well as some planes.._

"Ahhh! Mayday!"

_But we don't care about them. Anyway, the sky started to go all sorts of wierd colours, which would explain said planes crashing. The Saiyans hair started to turn gold in colour, and giant bony ridges replaced his eyebrows. Also, he gained the power of Pure Awesome and became the Universes first Super Saiyan 3!_

"Haha!" Washubee cheered in victory. "I am now awesome and immune to your kitten powers! Prepare to die!"

"Oh noes!.. But your hair still sucks."

"Shut up!" The Saiyan yelled as he suddenly begun to lose power. "Uh... help? Old man?"

"HA! Your body cannot take the pressure of being Awesome!"

"Oh snap!" Washubee cried as he reverted back to base form and his brain, along with his entire body, exploded violently.

_Meowlor laughed in triumph. But he didn't see the old man from the cave run up and grab the falling wallet!_

"And now evil beast! I shall trap you in this crusty old wallet, may this tomb full of movie coupons and lint be your holding cell forever!"

"NooOoooO!" Meowlor screamed oddly as he began to be sucked into the wallet. After a bunch of cool camera-angles and spiffy effects, he was trapped inside the wallet.

_The Old Man did not want to risk having humanity ever facing the evil kitten demon again, so he created a rocket out of peas and wood (which was all that was available at the time.) And fired the rocked out into space! Where it landed in the middle of a riot on a far away planet and triggered a civil war that would end up in the destruction of half the Universe. Meanwhile, on Vegeta, the Tuffles invaded and cast the Saiyans into the wastlelands beyond their old cities. Oh, and someone tripped over a shoe at some point. I'm not sure who it was though. It might of been King Vegeta._

"Down I go!"

_And so the Universe had witnessed not only the most stupid attempt at getting rid of someone, I mean really now! Having a race of ugly monsters create a demon made of kittens just to destroy one man? What the hell was with that? Oh well, and they also experienced the power of Pure Awesome with the first Super Saiyan 3 ever. Many more would appear over the years, but they had much cooler stories than being attacked by a kitten monstet. Their stories were about the exploration of their very souls and what it meant to be a warrior on the inside as they faced their inner demons as well as protected the Universe and the ones they loved against more serious, cooler monsters._

_I mean really! Kittens? God.._

_King Vegeta should of been hung for that._

_Oh wait, he was._

_Nevermind!_


	11. Powerless Incompetence! Part One

Disclaimer: Knock knock!

Who's there?

Akira Toriyama!

Akira Toriyama who?

RIGHTS TO DBZ!

Your joke sucks and now I am going to stab you in the eye!

Argh, my retina!

_**.---- Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.**_

"And that's the story!" The White Sheet explained as he floated through space.

"It kind of turned into a rant near the end.." Gohan muttered.

"Yeah, I do that sometimes."

"So what happens now?"

"Well, Cell will most likely destroy the cosmos and we'll all be forced into Hell with those Janemba creatures. Unless you harness the power of Super Saiyan 3!"

"No! Never! It's a pansy mode! _PANSY_!" Gohan screamed and shaked about violently before he was struck by a comet.

"Well, that certainly settles _that_.." The Sheet shrugged and continued to float about in space pointlessly.

.-.

"And that, my stupid disembodied friend." Vegeta sighed as he took off his professor glasses and turned away from a blackboard full of jargon. "Is why Frieza is not a computer!"

_Uh.. all you did was write "FRIEZA IS A BIG DUMB-HEAD!" and did a little drawing of him being mauled by some sort of sausage..._

"Oh, that was my representation of his fight against Kakarot on Namek."

"I'm a sausage now?" Goku scratched his head as he stared at the black board. "I had no idea.. what will I tell Chi-Chi?"

_It's just a drawing Goku.._

"I wonder what I taste like?" Goku sniffed at his left arm before biting a big chunk out of it. "Ooh. _Delicious!_... but also. Ow!"

_And he somehow manages to beat you in battles?_

"Oh shut up!" Vegeta huffed.

_Well anyway. Now that the CD of +1 Virus has been charged, you must head down to Earth and defeat Frieza! Good luck!_

"But how do we get out?" Vegeta asked.

_Door to your left._

"Has that always been there?"

_Yup._

"Oh. Fair enough."

.-.

"Well.. it looks like I'll have to use the Hyper-Death Ray.." Cell sighed as he walked towards the old device. "Shame really, I was hoping that the White Sheet would become my partner in destruction.. Cooler! Prepare the device!"

"..."

"Cooler?"

"..."

"Uh? What are you doing?"

"I'm afraid I cannot let you fire the device, Cell..." Cooler glared as he entered the room. "For you see, I am working for Janemba!"

"How is that even possible?" Cell asked as he inched his way over to the Hyper-Death Ray. "All he ever says is nonsensical laughter. Even _Brolly_ has a bigger vocabulary than him!"

"**KAKAROTTO!**"

"Shut up Brolly!" Cell screamed towards a room to his left. "Anyway, how can you be working for someone who can't even give orders?"

"That's not the full version of Janemba. That's only his evil, twisted side. The side of him containing all the intelligence is trapped away on Earth. Why else do you think we would attack it?"

"Because he's an idiot?"

"Well, there's_ that_... but he also looking for his other half!"

"And where is it?"

"In a pub in Sussex."

"That's a very poor hiding place."

"Not if you're an alchoholic.."

"True." Cell nodded. "So what happens now?"

"Well now I---"

"I'll tell you!" Cell laughed as he teleported over to the Hyper-Death Ray and aimed it at Cooler. "You **die!**"

"Ah figs.." Cooler sighed as he was instantly vaporised.

Cell looked around the room to make sure Cooler wasn't hiding behind any clouds of dust, just waiting to appear dramatically after someone claims that he is finally defeated. "No one there. I guess it's time to head to Sussex!"

.-.

"So will you pass me the wallet?" The Muffin asked. "Or do I have to kill you like I have done to so many others?"

"Well I don't have any choice do I?" Frieza sighed and tossed the wallet to the Muffin.

"Haha! Excellent!"

"So what do I get in return?"

"You get a laser beam through the heart!"

"But I have serveral hearts..."

"Okay. A beam through the brain."

"I have several of those as well."

"Fine.. A laser through the privates!"

"I have severa--"

"DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" The Muffin violently shuddered and just decided to fire a Super Kamehameha at Frieza. It didn't kill him though.. but it did send him flying through a few mountains. This trend in mountain collapsing and exploding was really confusing the geologists of Earth. It has been going on for over a decade now. But they had come up with all sorts of reasons to tell the public, but in the end they just said it was a really big buffalo causing it. No one really believed them, but then again, they didn't want to run the risk of being wrong and end up being crushed by the buffalo if it did actually exist.

.-.

"Okay!" Goku nodded. "You go take care of Frieza and I'll find a way to stop Janemba!"

"No! I want to kill Frieza!"

"..I.. just said you could, Vegeta."

"Oh, you did?"

"Yup."

"Sorry, I'm just used to disagreeing with you so I fulfill my own selfish desires."

"Don't worry. Happens to the best of us... except Me.. and Gohan, Piccolo.. Krillin... Tenshinhan.. Yemma.. Kaioshin.. Kibito... oh, and Babidi."

"Who?"

"Some sort of pickle creature."

"Oh, Piccolo's brother!" Vegeta nodded.

"Well, not exactly.. Anyway, we should get going." Goku said before nibbling a bit more on his arm.

"Stop that!"

"I can't.. I'm too tasty! I'm going to get some bread and a fork before I fight Janemba. Seeya!"

"You're an idiot.." Vegeta sighed as he watched Goku fly off towards West City. "Well what else could possibly go wrong?"

.-.

"Captain Sassypants!" A soldier called out as he burst into a room. "You've overloaded the computer brain!"

"Oh no.. what have I done!" The captain gasped.

"You've doomed not only this planet but the entire Solar System!"

_"I can blow that up you know!" _A voice called out. _"I am perfect!"_

"Well that was odd.." The soldier scratched his head.

And then the entire planet exploded in a violent hellfire and took out every planet in their Solar System. Killing trillions of innocent people. Tra la la

.-.

"What was that?" Vegeta questioned as he saw a small spark appear in the sky. "Eh, who cares."

"_He...lp... me!"_ A voice called out from beneath Vegeta's feet.

"Oh no! It's the ghost on Nappa come to finish me off! Aiee!" Vegeta screamed as he darted behind a rock.

"Ugh!" Frieza gasped as he burst out of the pile of rocks. "Finally! Hmm.. could of sworn I heard someone up here."

"You'll not fool me, ghost of Nappa! Prepare to feel my terrible wrath!" Vegeta hollered as he leapt out from behind the rock and tossed a pebble and Frieza. "Take that, vile fiend!"

"Hey.." Frieza muttered as he saw the pebble bounce off his arm. "Quit it!"

"Aha! A weakness! TOSS RANDOM PEBBLE ATTACK!"

"Who's doing that? Stop it!"

"Dear God, Nappa has gotten more hideous over the years!"

"What? I'm not Nappa.." Frieza sighed as he turned around, looked at Vegeta and gasped. "**YOU!**"

"Frieza!.. Excellent, now it is time to have my revenge!" Vegeta smiled as he turned Super Saiyan.

"W-w-wait a second! I need your help!"

"HA! You need _my_ help?"

"Yes."

"Well, it _is_ what you said.." Vegeta pondered on this for a second before sitting down on a rock. "Okay, what do you need help with?"

"The Muffin! He's going to turn into his true form that Dr. Gero created for him!"

"A Muffin?" The Saiyan Prince raised an eyebrow.

"It's true! I... I need your help to kill him!"

"Why don't I just kill you _and_ him?"

"Because that would be _mean_!"

"Yes. Yes it would."

"And you couldn't do it alone!"

"Watch me!"

"Vegeta!" Frieza screamed. "As mush as I would love to see you get your arse handed to you.. again. The Universe is doomed without us teaming together and destroying the Muffin!"

"Why do you care? Your goal was the destroy the damn thing anyway!"

"B-Because.."

"Yes."

"The truth is.."

"Out with it, already!"

"I.. actually.._ like_.. Earth."

"Oh." Vegeta's expression turned blank. "Excuse me for a moment."

"Okay?"

"Won't be long." Vegeta waved as he went behind a group of rocks.

"Oh. Take your time.. I guess."

"**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!**" Vegeta roared from behind the rocks. "**OH GOD! WHAT A CLASSIC! HAHAHAHAHAA! AAAAHAHAHAHAA!"**

"Are you quite done?"

"HAHAHAhhaaa.. Oh God.." Vegeta appeared back from behing the rocks, wiping away a tear from his eye. "Hahaha!.. Man, what a riot!"

.-.

"Is that all, sir?"

"Oh! And some mayonnaise!" Goku smiled

"Would you like Kraft Mayonnaise or the new Lmaonaise?"

"Both!"

"Wow, you sure have a lot of bread there. What do you need it for?"

"Lunch!"

"What are you going to put in it all?" The clerk asked.

"Me!" Goku laughed as he took another bite out of himself.

"Uhhh.."

"Oh! Look at the time!" Goku gasped.

"Okay then!" The clerk cheered and stared towards the clock above him. "Oooh!'

"That's not what I me-- Oh well. Bye!" Goku waved as he quickly darted out of the store. "I have a world to savemmmch, man I taste good!"

.-.

"Excuse me.." Cell asked he calmly walked through a bar door. "Is anyone here called Janemba?"

"I dare say I am old sport!" A man called out from the back.

"You're Janemba!"

"Why wouldn't I be?" A fourty year old British man, wearing a monocle and top hat asked. "Are there any other Janembas traversing about out there?"

"Well now that you mention it.."

.-.

"Janemba!" Goku called out between mouthfuls of himself as he floated above West City.

"KAKAKAEEEHAHAHAHAAA!" The demon cackled as he floated up to meet the Saiyan.

"Why are you doing all of this?"

"KAKAKAKAKAHAHAHAAAAAHEAA!"

"Could you repeat that?"

"Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-aha-ha-ha-haaaaa-he-aah!" Janemba murmered slowly.

"What! Timmy is trapped down the well?" Goku gasped.

"Keah?"

"There is no time to lose! C'mon!" Goku grabbed Janemba by the arm and flung him across the sky. "Lead the way, boy!"

"Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"What did you say about my mother!" Goku fumed as he transformed into Super Saiyan 3. "It's on now, laddie!"

"KaaaaaaARGH!" Janemba screamed as he finally fell from the sky and into a house full of rusty knives. As, you know, that's what most people fill their houses with these days. Oh cultural trends, what _wont_ you think up of.. Hahaha!

I'll shut up now..

.-.

"I can't belive I'm doing this.." Vegeta sighed as he and Frieza his among some rocks at the Muffin floated past.. looking a lot less like a Muffin now.

"My God, he's hideous now!" Frieza gasped in horror. "See what I meant when I said we would have to work together?"

"Shut up and distract him while I power up" Vegeta snapped. Frieza quickly nodded and flew off towards the creature.

"Hey! Muffin!" Frieza called out. "Wait.. that sounded wrong.."

"I am not a Muffin anymore! I am the Super 3000 Dishwasher Deluxe!" The Dishwasher laughed evily as he started crackling with electricity. "Prepare for your death!"

"Wait.. I have a joke I need to tell you!"

"Oh, I love jokes!" The Dishwasher smiled.. in the way that most Dishwashers do. I don't know _how_ exactly, just go with it!

"Okay.. so what to you get when you cross Vegeta with a Death Beam?"

"I can honestly say I do not know."

"A DEAD VEGETA! _HAHAHA!_ GET IT!.. It's funny because that's how I killed him. Hahaha!"

"Get a job!" Vegeta yelled out from below.

"Shut up, monkey!"

".. I don't get it..." The Dishwasher shrugged.

"Done!" Vegeta cried in triumph.

"Well fire it already!" Frieza yelled as he quickly flew away.

"**BIG BANG ATTACK!**"

"FOOL!" The Dishwasher laughed as he opened up the wallet. "Protect me, o' master of the movie coupons!"

"I will obey!" The giant demon said as he appeared suddenly and deflected the Big Bang Attack, which flew into space and collided with something off-screen, making it explode.

"Oh.. no..." Vegeta backed away in fear. "..._KITTENS!"_


	12. Powerless Incompetence! Part Two

Disclaimer: DBZ to rights the owns Toriyama Akira.

_**.----- Frieza: Powerless Incompetence -----.**_

"Wait.. So you Saiyans are afraid of _kittens_?" Frieza scratched his head.

"Mommy..." Vegeta muttered as he cowered in a fetal position. ".. I miss.. my..."

"... That has to be the worst weakness I've ever heard.."

"What about Brolly?" Goku suggested as he appeared.

"What! Where did you come from!" Frieza jumped back.

"I'unno."

"Well.. go back there!"

"Hmm.." Goku sheepishly looked at the ground while nibbling away on his hand. "Was I doing something before?"

"Why are you asking_ me_?"

"No idea. Hey! Vegeta!"

"What!"

"What am I doing here?"

"How should I know!"

"Well you seem to revolve your entire life around me.."

"I do not!"

"I think you made it your life's goal to_ kill _me."

"No.." Vegeta waved his hand in the air. "Don't be silly. It was.. uh.. Krillin. G..-go kill Krillin!"

"I don't know.."

"Well kill that gigantic.. ugh.. kitten thing behind you.."

"Kittens!" Goku screamed as he looked behind him. "Ahhh!"

"What did I do to deserve this?" Frieza sighed as flew off and left the Saiyans to their own demise.

.-.

"So there is an alternate evil version of me destroying the world?" The gentleman Janemba asked Cell.

"Yes! I just said that! Why did you just copy what I said?"

"I don't know. It _was_ an odd thing to say..." Janemba scratched his chin. "So basically I just have to fuse with the evil version and it will end the entire crisis?"

"You're doing it again! Argh!"

"Oh. Sorry."

"Anyway, yes. Go do that."

"But how do I get there?"

"Okay, I'll teleport you to him. Happy?"

"So basically you're going to.."

"Stop doing that!"

.-.

"Super Saiyan 3, huh?" Gohan thought aloud as he sat on top of the comet. "No!.. Never!.. It's a pansy mode. FOR PANSIES! I am Chou! That makes me awesome."

_That hasn't happened yet!_

"What was that?"

_This.. is your brain. It's been a while._

"Oh. Yo."

_Uh.. yeah. Anyway. I know you hate it, but you must unlock Super Saiyan 3 for the good of the Universe._

"Why not just let it be destroyed and have Dende remake it again?"

_Because.. Dende is now a Janemba clone._

"Since when!"

_Since he decided to do it in order to escape Guru._

.-.

"Janemba?" Dende asked.

"Janemba.." Barry replied.

"Janemba!"

"Janemba!"

"TURLES!" The Saiyan called out.

"Janemba?"

"No. Turles!"

"Janemba?"

"No.."

"T..Tanemba?"

"No!"

"Janemba!"

"Shut up! It's Turles!"

"Tur.. enmba?"

"Nonononononoooo." Turles shook his head. "Tur. Les."

"Turl---"

"Yes!"

"leee"

"Yes!"

"..ENBA!"

"Oh God damn it!"

"Janemba!"

.-.

"What do we do!" Goku started to panic as Meowlor advanced towards them.

"Mwahahahaha!" The dishwasher laughed. "Destroy them!"

"Yeah.." Meowlor turned out. "I kind of gathered that."

"Sorry. I figured you were one of those 'Crush. Kill. Grrrr.' type of monsters."

"Your assumptions hurt us both. I wish to have a brief discussion about this with you.."

"Kill these guys first, then do it."

"Why? What did they ever to do me?"

"What?" The dishwasher looked on in surprise. "They're Saiyans. Kill them!"

"No. During my many years inside that wallet.. I got to some serious thinking.."

"Oh no.."

"You see." Meowlor picked up Vegeta. "I _like_ Saiyans. They're easy and comfortable to wear!"

"What!" Vegeta looked up at the demon before his body started to puff up. "Uh oh.. weth alerthgic tah kithenths..."

"While, yes, one did try to kill me years ago." Meowlor continued. "It was only because I did some intolerable things to hurt his ego-circle."

"..Kill me.." The dishwasher muttered. "Please.."

"ith thinkth ma hearth hasth stothed..."

"You can do it, Vegeta! Fight the good fight!" Goku cheered on the inflating Saiyan.

".. and that in turn caused him to send me into a pulse-negative shame well."

"That isn't even a phrase!"

"Isn't it, dishwasher. _Isn't it_?"

"No!"

"If you think about it for a while.. it actually might be."

"No. It just isn't."

"I know you're trying to hurt me." Meowlor sighed. "But I have learnt to accept criticism. I am now going to take my friend Vegeta to the local club so we may talk about how feelings over a glass of fruit punch. I bid you all good day."

"Get back here!" The dishwasher screamed. "I command you!"

"Come, Vegeta. Let us begin to talk about or wives.. I don't _have_ a wife, actually.."

"need.. senthu.. beanth."

"I agree." Meowlor smiled. "I do believe that with hard work we can make the world a much nicer and more eco-friendly place for all."

.-.

On the planet Korratnsaa X-456321, a family was out having a picnic under the wonderful seventeen suns that inhabited the Solar System. Of course, there was only one Sun, the other ones were just moons that the inhabitants of the planet liked to call suns. The dominant race, the Clipboard people (who in fact looked nothing _like _clipboard. It was just a coincidence) liked to everything on the planet 'sun'. So being fired into the sun was usually just being fired into a patch of flowers or cotton. Though it sometimes may mean being fired into the actual Sun. It was random and made court settlements a lot more interesting on the planet. But that has nothing to do with our story. Anyway, the family was having a picnic when the noticed a trail of fire screaming down from the sky. It slammed into the ground.. and didn't make a crater at all..

"What was that?" One of the children asked.

"Well that was _obviously _a mysterious white sheet that was floating around in space and just so happened to land on this planet." The father answered.

"You're so knowledgeable, daddy!"

"I know, son. I know."

"Son!" A person said from behind a bush.

"Yes.. My son."

"Son... Go... KAKAROTTO!" Brolly jumped out of the bushes. "KAKAROTTO!"

"It's hideous!" The mother shrieked. "Quick! Get the Saiyan Hunting Manual!"

"Here you go!" The daughter replied.

"That was fast.."

"Well you did ask for it."

"True." The mother nodded. "Anyway.."

_Section: 445a_

_.- How to get rid of Saiyans. -._

_Your average Saiyan is usually incredibly weak. Unless of course they have been fighting many_

_different monsters across countless planets while working for a tyrannical leader who may or may not_

_have a gender. Usually Saiyans can be killed by putting them near kittens. Of course, if you come_

_across a Saiyan that has a poorly written backstory. Just chuck anything at him. By this point he would_

_have been killed so many times he's actually just struggling to survive against the atoms that come into_

_contact with him every second._

"KAKAROTTO!" Brolly screamed before quivering. "K..Kakarotto?"

"Quick! Duck for cover!" The father yelled as Brolly exploded violently.

"But.. none of us chucked anything at him.." The son commented.

"Oh well. At least the terror is finally over.."

_Note: If destroyed too many times. Said Saiyan can actually become weak to **himself**... You heard me!_

.-.

"Well, there goes my plan." The dishwasher sniffed. "All my work and killing for nothing!"

"Really?" Frieza chucked as he walked up behind the object. "Well it's finally my turn to kill you!"

"No!"

"Wait.. does that make me a good guy? I mean, if I kill the villain without actually doing anything bad myself, would I be considered a hero? That seems very odd for a fellow like me. I killed millions, if not _billions_ of different life forms, yet here I am protecting a planet I like against a fiend much like myself. So.. if I save a planet I like and don't really care for the people on it.. does that make it selfish? If so, then I am no longer a hero. That's good!.. Wait. But I do _kind of _like the humans now. That's bad!.. No, that's good, which is what I'm currently debating out loud. So do I really want to be a hero? I mean, it's not like there aren't countless other planets out there exactly like this one in every way.. so I can just go over to them. So why aren't I doing that instead of standing here debating about it? Such an odd way to have a discussion with one's self. _"Frieza: Hero" _does have kind of a nice ring to it.. but _"Frieza: Bitchin' overlord of the pirates."_ sounds a lot better, I guess. Hmm, to be a hero. What do you think, Mr. Dishwasher?"

"M.. Mr Dishwasher?"

"You're gone, aren't you?"

"Shit."

.-.

"Okay. Here you are.." Cell muttered. "Now go do that thing of yours."

"So, you mean.."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" Cell screamed before vanishing.

"So.. find Janemba, huh?"

.-.

"Wait. I'm confused." Goku shrugged.

"_You're_ confused?" Frieza shouted. "Did you even_ hear _what I just blurted out?"

"No. What's the item that you're using. Isn't it that thing that Vegeta was looking for in the creepy-arse place."

"No. That was the item to stop me.. I think."

"Oh." Goku nodded. "Then what was that item you were using to destroy the world then?"

"The wallet. I think."

"How could you not know?" Goku asked. "I mean it was yours!"

"I just found it one day, you know.."

"Oh."

"So what the hell is going on?" Frieza looked around.

"I have _no _idea.."

.-.

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Yes, yes the power is mine!" The Saiyan cheered in victory.

"Hello, chaps." Janemba called up to the millions of brainwashed people. "You haven't seen a creature called Janemba, have you?"

"Tur... Janem--"

"Don't listen to him!" Turles shouted. "TURLES!"

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Better." The Saiyan nodded. "Anyway, no we have not.."

"Oh. Well thank you anyway." Janemba waved goodbye and walked off. "What a nice man."

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Turtle!"

"Oh _shut up_, Nail."

.-.

"Kwahahsheeeeehehehe!" Janemba laughed as he only just now noticed that Goku had vanished. He was pretty slow. "Hehehehehehe!"

"Oh, there you are!" Janemba waved. "I say, I have been looking like the dickens for you!"

"Kweahehasahaaashaasaa!"

"I do not understand you." Janemba shrugged. "Oh well. Guess I might as well do that fusion thing that Cell asked me to do. Which is why I am here."

"Kehee?"

"Yes. Now, old sport, let us get down to this, shall we?"

"Kwehehehehehehee!"

"Now, now, no need for profanity.." Janemba tisked as he tossed the other Janemba an earring.

"Kweh?"

"Put this on your ear, it won't hurt." Janemba explained as he put one on his own.

"Put this in your rear?" Goku shouted. "What?"

"Who are you?" Janemba turned around.

"Oh. I'm Son Goku!" The Saiyan waved. "I'm here with my buddy Frieza--"

"I'm not your buddy!"

"My buddy Frieza, currently discussing the events that have happened as of late in a way that may or may not be breaking the forth wall.."

"You just did, you twit!" Frieza shouted out.

"Haha! That's right, old friend!" Goku gave a thumbs up motion.

"... You are_ so _dead.."

"Oh.. I mean.. forth wall.. _what's that_?"

"Oh shut up, you stupid monkey!"

"Uh.. well. Good show." Janemba inched further away from the insane Saiyan. "Anyway, let us fuse!"

"Oh no, they're fusing!" Goku shouted.

"I'm right here.." Frieza sighed. "I can see the entire thing."

"That's the spirit!"

.-.

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Wonderful, my army is complete!" Turles shouted out like any good generic villain would.

"Turles, what the hell are you doing?" Bojack asked as he walked up beside him.

"What do you mean?"

"You're actually succeeding in a plan. What gives?"

"I.. I don't understand the question."

"We are villains. We _never_ do anything right except for transform and make it seem like we're killing the heroes in a brutal fashion."

"Well.. you see.. I never transformed." Trules sighed.

"Never?"

"Never."

"Oh God.." Bojack stepped back. "Well, good luck with that.. loser."

"Yeah. This sucks, I'm leaving." Various people in the crowd started to walk away.

"I wonder if anything is good on T.V?"

"I'm going home."

"Me too."

"I'm going to talk to a magician!"

"Back to the Internet for me."

"Wait! Come back!" Turles screamed. "I can transform! Just wait.. HURGH... HUURRURRUURGH!... **HRUGHGHHHUUUUHH! **Argh! My prostate!"

.-.

"So, we agree that the wallet was in fact an ancient device that you happened to find when you first came to Earth. And then the item Vegeta was looking for in order to kill you was clearly explained to be an entirely different item?" Frieza sighed.

"Agreed." Goku nodded. "So what do we do with him?"

"JANEMBA!"

"No idea. I'm going to steal his monocle though." Frieza chucked as he walked up to the new bizarre demon/human creature.

"Oh wait. Someone must have dropped this.." Goku said as he picked up an item. "Oh well, Frieza? Want this?"

"What! No!"

"Aww, don't be silly! Of course you do, good buddy!" Goku smiled as he threw a CD at Frieza.

"Argh! Noooo! My weakness!" Frieza screamed before violently exploding, taking Janemba with him.

"Hello? Frieza?" Goku called out as the smoke cleared. "Oh. Must have gone off to get new glasses. Oh well."

.-.

"Hahaha! Now my plan is complete!" The dishwasher laughed evilly. "Now to destroy the Univer--"

"Oh look honey!" A woman called out. "A brand new dishwasher! Let's try our clothes out on it!"

"What? No, don't do that!" The dishwasher screamed.

"It talked to me!"

"Must be one of those new ones.."

"What?" The dishwasher asked. "Why would you try your _clothes_ out on a dishwasher?"

"Because it'll be funny." The woman explained.

"But I'll explode."

"Must be a new feature.." The woman said as she stuffed a pile of clothes into the dishwasher.

"You stupid bint, you've destroyed me! Noo!"

"Well what do you know? He exploded.."

"Certainly wasn't expecting that!"

"Indeed!"

.-.

"So, what did you think about my lifestory? Pretty need, huh? Did you like the party where I ended up destroying the entire Universe before it came back the very next second so no-one ever knew about it!" Meowlor asked.

"Vegeta?"

.-.

And so, the battles to save the Universe ended up being thwarted before they even truely begun. Brolly ended up coming back a few times, but no-one really cared and just let him get on with his life, which usually only lasted about six seconds anyway. Vegeta ended up dying from his Saiyan allergy to Meowlor, and he spent a long time walking around Heaven trying to start a new life long obsession about killing someone else. Of course, since they are already dead and and Vegeta's life is now over, he didn't have much luck. Currently he is trying to start a new Saiyan alliance in the Otherworld, but they were shortly destroyed by the United Kitty Forces and Vegeta went into hiding after everyone threatened to poke him with a really sharp stick.

Goku ended up getting bored of waiting for Frieza and instead held a party awaiting his return. He never did come back, so everyone decided to hold a celebration for Goten. The child was pleased until he fell off the chair and caused a chain of events that eventually caused North City to explode so violently that it actually sent it up into space.

Piccolo, Nail, Dende and Guru decided to disband their group after being unable to find a healer and a tank. Deciding that soloing might be a better option for them given their circumstances. Guru didn't even get out of the area before being MPK'd by an annoyed Dende.

The fused Janemba creature was sent to hell after the explosion and decided to start his own rock band, the KWAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEE's!

Meowlor enjoyed a nice few months discovering the world and everything it contained before being attacked by a gigantic demon made entirely of dogs that just so happened to appear nearby.

And some guy tripped over a chair. I guess.

.-.

"Argh. My head.." Frieza muttered. "Where am I?"

"Good lord that thing is ugly! I simply don't want it on my ship!"

"But it's power-level is pretty high, master."

"I don't care Dabura, get rid of it!"

"Why not just possess it and use it to help revive Majin Buu."

"An excellent idea!"

**_.- THE END -._**


End file.
